


New or Old Love?

by Fandom_and_heartbreak



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M, the walking dead - Freeform, tumblr: negan-fuckers, twd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-22
Updated: 2017-06-02
Packaged: 2018-09-19 03:11:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 27,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9415535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fandom_and_heartbreak/pseuds/Fandom_and_heartbreak
Summary: Y/n finds that her long-time boyfriend, Negan, has just cheated on her. But then, she gets with Rick Grimes, her childhood friend. Both men love her, but who will she choose in the end?





	1. The Beginning

“NEGAN?!” you exclaimed, hurt lacing your voice as your eyes were cast upon a scene you had hoped to never see: your boyfriend in bed with another woman.  
“Y/N!” Negan's eyes widened with fear and shock, he could see the tears in your eyes and he hung his head down as the woman he was sleeping with slithered away.  
“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!” you yelled, anger and betrayal soon displacing the sadness within you.  
“DON'T FUCKING YELL AT ME! I'm sorry, y/n, okay? Real fucking sorry.” there was a slight honesty to his voice, but you had listened one too many Taylor Swift songs to know that he was literal poison.  
“FUCK YOU, NEGAN! FUCKING FUCK YOU, AND THE FUCKING DICK YOU CAN'T KEEP IN YOUR FUCKING PANTS!” you could feel the fiery tears on your skin as you stood there, crying, in front of the one person who swore would never make you cry.  
“Y/n, baby, I'm so fucking sorry, please, don't leave” Negan quickly pulled on his pants and stood before you, tears dewing in his hazel eyes, you looked away, knowing that if you looked into them, you'd be paralysed.  
“You can find me with someone I trust” you mumbled and turned to walk away, leaving Negan stood at the door, watching as you climbed onto your motorbike and drove off.

* * *

 

“You just let 'er leave?!” John smacked Negan on the arm and turned to Dean, Scott and Dwight, who made up the rest of the circle of friends you had.  
“I couldn't fucking force her to stay, John” Negan growled, his hazel eyes locking onto John's dark oak ones.  
“You better fuckin' pray she finds Jesus and comes back” John growled; he was very much like a father to you, and had always referred to you as a daughter to him, which you would always play along with and had called him 'dad', or 'father-ed one' when joking around – which was always what you did with your own father.  
“You fucking idiot!” Dean scolded, both Scott and Dwight had to restrain the Welshman from strangling Negan right there and then; Dean was your best friend, of course, and on occasion he often referred to John as a D.I.L.F.  
“Well I don't see you fucking looking for her now, do I?!” Negan argued, pushing his luck with Dean, who was much taller and stronger than him.  
“I would be, but you got us gathered here like fucking school kids having a smoke at lunch!” Dean spat, his eyes filled with an anomalistic brutality.  
“You are an idiot, Negan, you did let y/n go, and not to mention, you did kinda sleep with another woman, after what? A week? After telling her you were solely devoted to her. You gotta imagine what she's going through” Scott shrugged, his short fire coloured hair was tousled and scruffy from where Dwight had rudely interrupted him and the duo had frantically searched for you the second they found out you were gone.  
“Scott, shut the fuck up before I smash your fucking head in! If you don't have a fucking idea as to where to who the fuck she's with, don't fucking talk!” Negan demanded, the counsel of men he had summoned looked at him with raised eyebrows and looks in their eyes that told Negan that _he_ better shut up.  
“Maybe she's gone to Hilltop? She's good friends with that Jesus dude, right? Maybe she went there looking for a bit of sympathy or a shoulder to cry on” Dwight suggested, earning hopeful looks from the four men around him.  
“Or maybe she went to see Rick. Y/n knows him from when they were kids, so maybe she went there looking for someone she could rely on, y'know? Someone who knows her more intimately than the rest of us. No disrespect Negan, but I'm sure you don't know half the shit that Rick Grimes does about y/n” Dean offered his cards, which caused Negan to make a growling noise at the thought of Rick Grimes knowing more about you than he did.  
“What about Ezekiel? Y/n love animals, and Ezekiel has a bloody tiger. So she coulda gone there to ask 'im if she can just clear 'er 'ead or somethin' by playin' with 'is tiger” John shrugged and the rest of the men nodded, all options seemed plausible, but there was only one way to find out where you were: split up, like in Scooby Doo, and search.  
“We sure as shit ain't going together!” Dean protested when Negan said he was going to tag along with him, causing Negan to pinch the bridge of his nose and sigh deeply.  
“Fine. John and Dean, the Brits, you can go search Hilltop for y/n. Scott and Dwight, the Ravenclaws. you can search Alexandria. And when you four get back, you can fucking go to the Kingdom and see if y/n's there. If she isn't found by the end of today, I will bash each and every one of you fuckers' heads in. Understand?” Negan growled and each man nodded before setting off to look for you, to save you, and themselves.

* * *

 

“Thanks for letting me swing by, Rick” you smiled shyly, you had known Rick since you were born, as your parents were really close friends from childhood as well, and so you two were almost inseparable; hell, you even kept in touch with him when you met Negan, shortly after the world had gone to shit, by using the walkie-talkies you had purchased when you were in high school so that you could talk when you skipped classes.  
“Hey it's no problem, anything for you, y/n, you know that” Rick grinned kindly at you and draped his arm around your shoulders, pulling you closer as the two of you walked side by side through the streets of Alexandria.  
“How's Carl, and Judith?” you asked and saw the proud shine in Rick's arctic blue eyes, which in turn made you smile.  
“They're good. Carl's coping with his eye better now, and Judith's getting bigger by the day” he smiled and squeezed your shoulders slightly, as if he was talking to the person he loved more than anything in the world.  
“And how's Carl dealing with what Negan did?” it had been months since Negan brought Lucille down on Glenn and Abraham, but you still feared for the young Grimes' feelings as he had never had much time to grieve before, which meant he probably had no idea what he was feeling half the time – which you understood, greatly.  
“He's getting there. How are you and Negan, anyway? He still treating you well?” Rick retracted his arm from your shoulders and stuffed his hands in his pockets, as if he only just remembered that you were with Negan.  
“He slept with another woman.” you admitted, you felt safe talking about it with Rick, which is why you didn't cry, or feel anything at all.  
“Want me to make good on the promise?” Rick joked, you nudged his arm with your shoulder and chuckled; the second Rick found out you were with Negan, he promised you that he would torture and kill Negan in the most sick and brutal way he knew if he hurt you.  
“Nah. He only did it the once, so I'm gonna let him off easy by just leaving” you shrugged, Rick thought to himself for a moment before locking his cerulean eyes on yours and stopping you dead in your tracks.  
“You could live here, with me, Carl, and Judith. Scott, Dean and John can come too, if they want. I'd- Carl would love to have Aunt y/n stay” Rick was blushing so much that you could see it from under his trimmed beard, you quickly embraced him and thanked him.  
“Maybe” you shrugged, not wanting to rush from one community to another so quickly.  
“And, y/n?” Rick gently grabbed your chin between his index finger and thumb, tilting your face up ever so softly, his voice hardly above a whisper.  
“Yeah, Rick?” you lost yourself in his cobalt eyes and suddenly found yourself thinking about Rick in a non-platonic way, which scared you, but also sent a thrill down your spine.  
“Don't let him hurt you” Rick whispered before leaning down and placing a kiss on your cheek, causing you to sigh out and grab the collar of his teal shirt, pulling him down as you connected your lips to his; Rick's hands found your waist and he pulled you closer as your hands remained on his shirt collar, his lips were softer than Negan's, and his tongue was gentle and cautious as it explored your mouth.  
“I'm so sorry, Rick” you pulled away and let go of his shirt, Rick was your friend, and you couldn't just cop off with him so shortly after finding out that Negan had betrayed you.  
“Y/n, it's okay” Rick smiled softly and quickly pressed his lips to yours, you returned the kiss and wished that you could force the image of Negan finding out about the kisses out of your mind. 

 


	2. More Than Friends?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick and y/n spend some more time together before Scott and Dwight stop by for an unexpected visit.

“So, what does this make us now?” you asked, you knew you loved Rick, but you had always assumed it was nothing more than platonic. Until now.   
“I guess this makes us, dating? I'll ask Carl what it is” Rick joked, his hands were still on your hips as he pressed a tender kiss to your lips.   
“It makes us lovers, Rick” you chuckled, pressing your forehead against his chest with a content sigh. Never in a million years would you have imaged that you would get over Negan within a matter of hours, or that you would be copping off with Rick so soon after.   
“Well, y/n, now I can admit that I've loved you from the second we reached high school” he admitted, a shy smile reaching his cerulean eyes and making you feel as if you were going to melt into a puddle.   
“Really?” you questioned, gently taking his hand in your own and smiling up at him.   
“Yeah.. Even when I met Lori, and even when I married her, I always had this small place in my heart reserved just for you, y/n. I loved Lori, don't get me wrong, but you... Y/n you were always the one that got away, until now” Rick smirked at the last part and tucked a stray hair behind your ear before placing a gentle kiss to your forehead and walking you over to where he was staying.   
“Wow, Rick, I had no idea you felt the same way as me... Why did you realise when we were in high school?” you asked as the two of you sat on the sofa together, your head on his shoulder and his head on yours, hands laced together and your legs across his lap.   
“Because that's when you started dating Shane, remember? And I hated seeing him with you, but I thought you were happy, so I let you be” he shrugged and closed his eyes, you and Shane were together a week at most, and you had broken up with him after he tried to get you to go to a party with him instead of revising for a test you wanted to pass.   
“Oh god, yeah. I only copped off with Shane because I hoped it would make you jealous..” you admitted shyly, Rick chuckled and told you that it did indeed make him jealous.   
“I thought you were dead, until you picked up that walkie-talkie and told me where you were” Rick sighed, squeezing your hand tightly, the only hope he had was the conversations you used to have over the devices.   
“I thought you were dead, too, Rick. I was in such a bad place when I picked up that thing, but I'm glad I found you again” you closed your eyes and tried to imagine a world without Rick in it, but instead all you found was emptiness and despair.   
“What about Negan?” Rick asked, voice sprinkled with anxiety and fear.   
“He cheated. I don't think I can go back to him. Which is fine, because I have you, I always have” you smiled and pressed a kiss to Rick's cheek before shifting so that you were sat on his lap, forehead pressed against his.   
“And I've always had you, y/n” Rick smiled, closing his eyes and inhaling your scent – blackberries and pine trees, the same forest-y scent you always had on you, and the same scent Rick always found calming.   
“That was such a Hannibal Lecter moment, it's unreal” you laughed, pulling Rick out of his trance, he chuckled and bit his lip.   
“So you're telling me you don't know what I smell like?” Rick teased, you blushed and shook your head.   
“Well, yeah! You smell like grass after it's rained” you shrugged, Rick raised his eyebrows and smirked before allowing his hands to rest on your hips.   
“Y'know, every time I feel scared I always try and remember that time I went around your house and caught you singing 'Careless Whisper' by George Michael, because your voice was just so... perfect” Rick spoke softly, his cobalt eyes were closed and his features were relaxed. You remembered that day as the day you knew you had feelings for Rick, feelings that had been repressed for far too long.

* * *

“Hi, I'm Scott, and this is Dwight. We'd like to see if our friend, y/n, is here, if that's okay” Scott smiled politely at Matthew, who was on duty to open or close the gate.   
“Alright” Matthew said and opened the gates for the two men to walk in, Scott made a note to thank him on the way out.   
“Now what? We can't split up and look for clues now can we, Velma?” Dwight grumbled, Scott stopped dead in his tracks and looked at Dwight with an 'excuse me?' look in his emerald eyes.  
“I am not Velma! You are Shaggy, and I am Daphne, if anyone” Scott lectured, but Dwight rolled his eyes and raised an eyebrow at his ginger companion.   
“Are you kidding me? Shaggy and Daphne never went together to find clues! It was always Fred, Daphne and Velma, then Shaggy and Scooby! Get your facts right” Dwight was about to continue when he saw you and Rick exit one of the houses , he immediately ran over to you and hugged you tightly.   
“Y/n! Oh thank god you're alright!” Scott rejoiced, he shook Rick's hand – not caring that he was supposed to be the 'enemy' – and thanked him, gratitude smothering his voice and eyes.   
“You took care of her, Rick, thank you, so, so much” Dwight nodded, sighing as he let you go to allow Scott to attack you with a massive bear hug.   
“Nice to see you too, guys, but I've only been gone a couple of hours” you chuckled, Dwight and Scott nodded but couldn't help but ask the question you did not want to hear: were you going to return with them to the Sanctuary?   
“No, I'm sorry, guys, but I've decided to stay here for a while. You're welcome to stay too” you couldn't help but feel a wave of guilt rush over you, the duo were so worried and were so happy to see you again, and you were basically telling them it wasn't worth it.   
“Maybe every other weekend, like a joint custody thing” Scott joked, you nodded and hugged him again before inviting him and Dwight inside the house you and Rick were staying in.   
“Tea?” you asked, to which all three nodded, making you smile as you remembered how everybody loved to sit down and have a cup of tea – just like before the apocalypse.   
“Me and y/n are lovers” Rick announced shortly after you had given everyone their mugs, Dwight forcefully swallowed down the beverage and looked at you and Rick with furrowed brows.   
“I'm glad you managed to move on so quickly, y/n, it shows just how strong and resilient you are” Scott smiled genuinely, he was always the supportive friend, always being so kind and positive. It pissed you off sometimes.  
“Thanks, Scott” you smiled, your hand instantly finding Rick's and squeezing it.   
“I see you two are close then” Dwight mumbled, his eyes on yours and Rick's the whole time; you seemed more at ease when you were with him, and you seemed to light up whenever he mentioned memories from 'back in the day'.   
“Well, he is my best friend, D” you smiled, you stopped squeezing Rick's hand but still refused to let go, and so did Rick.   
“But you're dating?” Dwight raised an eyebrow and you nodded happily, causing Dwight to process it through his mind before nodding slowly, finally accepting that you were happy.   
“We best get back, before Negan comes down here himself” Scott looked over to Dwight, who nodded and gave a grin at you and Rick when he saw you giggling at something the leader of Alexandria was whispering in your ear.   
“Tell Negan to leave me the fuck alone though, okay?” you asked and both men nodded eagerly before departing, leaving you and Rick alone, as Michonne was with Carl and Judith all day. 

* * *

 

“SHE SAID WHAT?!” Negan roared, Dwight and Scott had just come back from Alexandria, and had told Negan what you said to tell him, which pissed him off like a firework thrown into a minefield.  
“She said to leave her the fuck alone” Scott looked at Dwight for confirmation of what you had said.  
“Her exact words were 'tell Negan to leave me the fuck alone though, okay?', sorry Negan, she doesn't want you back” Dwight shrugged, neither him nor Scott were going to tell Negan that you were with Rick, as they knew that it would make Negan insufferable for far too long.  
“I'LL FUCKING GO DOWN THERE MY GODDAMN SELF! I fucking need her” Negan collapsed into his chair and sighed deeply, Scott and Dwight soon left as they had no idea what to do.  
“Y/n, if somehow you can hear me, please baby, come back to me, I was a stupid fuck I know, but I do really love you. I love you more than you know, please... Come back” Negan sighed and looked down at the ground, he wanted you back, but he also knew that you didn't want to be with him, and he respected that.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this one was kinda short, but I wanted to be a dramatic bitch and end on angst.


	3. Surprise Visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/n and Negan see each other at Alexandria.

You woke up the next morning and quickly remembered that you were in Rick's bed after an eventful night.  
“Morning y/n” came Rick's sleepy but still pantie-wetting voice, you smiled to yourself and rolled over so that you were face to face with him.  
“Morning Rick” you smiled and pressed your nose against his, a grin lighting up your face and his.  
“God you were so good last night” he yawned and wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you closer to him as you bit your lip and blushed.  
“How 'bout I make us some breakfast?” you asked and placed a hand on his chest before sitting up and feeling the cold morning air against your skin.  
“Should probably put some clothes on, wouldn't want Carl seeing you like that” Rick laughed before getting up and helping you find you scattered clothing – a pair of jeans and an old band shirt.  
“Stay in bed, I'll get it sorted” you smiled and pressed a kiss to Rick's lips before heading down the stairs and searching the cupboards and fridge for some food.  
“Y/n? What are you doing here?” Carl asked, his voice more joyful than shocked, you smiled and beckoned him closer before slinging your arm around the young boy's shoulders and smiling down at him.  
“Well, Carl, what would you say if me and your dad were... dating?” you were nervous of Carl's reaction, but when you saw the young boy's eyes light up, you knew you had made the right decision.  
“Finally!” Carl exhaled and threw his arms around your shoulders, pulling you down to his height – he was almost your height, and you knew that he would probably be taller than you in a mere matter of months.  
“Glad you're okay with it, buddy. Now, show me where your good ol' dad keeps the damn food” you chuckled and allowed Carl to rummage through the various cupboards until he found the one where their share of the food was kept.  
“It's not much, but, it's good” Carl smiled, handing you a tin of tuna, a small bottle of mayonnaise, and some bread.  
“Carl?” you looked down at the young boy, who looked up at you with his one eye.  
“Yeah, y/n?” he inquired, his blue eye was just like his dad's, and you couldn't help but remember how Rick used to manipulate you into doing your homework with those damn eyes.  
“Do you know how to make tuna-mayo?” you asked, Carl furrowed his brows before shaking his head, you chuckled and told him to get a fork, knife and a bowl.  
“I'm gonna teach you” you smiled and the young boy nodded.  
“Okay, so first, you get rid of the brine from the tuna” you explained as you opened the tin of tuna and poured out the water, Carl watched you closely and took note of what you were doing.  
“Then, you get the bowl, and put the tuna in it” you scraped out the tuna from the tin and into the bowl when you heard footsteps from behind you.  
“I thought I told you to stay in bed” you smiled when you felt Rick's hands around you, he chuckled and Carl made a disgusted face before refocusing on the tuna-mayo.  
“Heard you teaching Carl how to make tuna-mayo and couldn't resist” Rick smiled and leaned his chin on your shoulder, you rolled your eyes and handed Carl the fork.  
“I'll pour the mayo in, and then you stir it with the fork, okay?” you asked, Carl nodded and you poured the perfect amount of mayonnaise into the bowl before Carl started mixing it with the fork as well as he could.  
“Now, Mr Grimes, how may I help you?” you asked, turning to face Rick and hooking your arms around his neck, he grinned at you before his eyes landed on the hickeys from last night, and a proud spark lit up his cerulean eyes.  
“Who do you belong to?” he growled sensually in your ear, you bit your lip, but Rick was quick to stop you by capturing your lips with his.  
“You, and who do you belong to?” you asked just as sensually, leaning slightly into Rick, he sucked in a breath through his teeth and his grip on your hips tightened for a brief second.  
“You” he growled, and you could hear the want, nay, the need in his voice.  
“Hey, y/n, what do I do once all the tuna and mayonnaise is mixed?” Carl asked, you smirked at Rick and patted his chest before turning to his son and showing him how to spread the tuna-mayo onto the bread.  
“Now, why don't you go find Michonne and give her one?” you asked, handing the young Grimes the most decent of the sandwiches to go and find the badass with the katanas and give her a sandwich.  
“So kind” Rick grumbled, swiping one of the sandwiches from the plate and practically shoving it into his mouth – just like he used to when you were kids.  
“Animal” you laughed and ate your own sandwich.  
“Well, you weren't complaining about it last night” he groaned with a smirk, your jaw dropped before you licked your lips and rolled your eyes.

* * *

 

“Y/n, get inside” Rick ordered, you had found out that Negan was in Alexandria, and you were not about to let him terrorize the people you cared about.  
“Fuck no, Rick! If he's here, then I gotta do something” you argued, Rick inhaled sharply and nodded slowly.  
“I, I just don't want to lose you, or anybody else” he sighed, you smiled softly and embraced him tightly.  
“You won't lose anybody, I'll make damned sure of it” you promised and felt Rick nod again, you released him and grabbed the hunting knife he gave you before heading out to find Negan.

* * *

  
“Y/n, how fucking lovely to see you, I've been meaning to have a quick chat with you” Negan grinned cockily, you frowned and crossed your arms.  
“Get out” you growled, Negan took a step toward you and squinted, an evil smirk dazzling his lips so much that you couldn't decide if you wanted to slap him or hate-fuck him.  
“Oh, princess, I own these people” he growled, you scoffed and mimicked his smirk.  
“You don't own anyone Negan. Stop terrorizing these people and, I dunno, go cheat on your girlfriend” you spat, Negan looked hurt and he tilted his head a bit before darting his tongue out to wet his lips.  
“How fucking low of you, y/n. I've clearly rubbed off on you in more than one way” he winked and you had to look away for a second to stop yourself from jumping his bones right there and then. “  
“So what if you have, Negan? You cheated on me, you have no power here as long as I live here. And, one more thing, before you leave?” you watched as Negan raised his eyebrows, his grip on Lucille tightening.  
“Rick can make me cum better, louder, harder than you ever could” you chuckled and sauntered away, leaving Negan's ego smashed on the ground like a china doll.

“What did you say to him?” Rick asked, you had a cocky smile on your face as you approached him, which sent a thrill down his spine.  
“That you can make me cum better, louder, and harder than he ever could. Which is true. And also that he has no power because I'm here” you shrugged, Rick chuckled and reached out for your hand, which you took the second you knew his hand was beside yours.  
“I can make you cum louder than Negan, huh?” Rick smirked, you rolled your eyes and shrugged, a blush now playing on your cheeks.

“Well, well, well, if it isn't my favourite power couple” Negan growled when he bumped into you and Rick on the way out of Alexandria, you glared at him and squeezed Rick's hand.  
“Negan, just take your shit and go” Rick urged, not making eye contact with your ex.  
“Oh, but Rick, y/n's my shit. I mean if she wants to fucking stay here, that's fine. And if she wants to fuck you, that's fine. But she still fucking belongs to me, to the Sanctuary and the Saviours – it's her home” Negan chuckled sadistically when you shot him a death glare that could kill the entire Roman army.  
“Fuck you, Negan. I'm not yours, the Saviours', anybody's. And my home sure as shit ain't with you, you cheating piece of shit” you shot, Negan let his smile drop for a fraction of a second before putting his mask of cockiness back on and climbing into the truck his right hand man, Simon, was driving.  
“You're mine though” Rick growled in your ear, you blushed and pressed a quick kiss to his lips.  
“And you're mine” you smiled. 

* * *

  
You and Rick were about to drift off into a comfortable sleep when there were three loud pounds on the door.  
“What the fuck?” you yawned, Rick mumbled something about 'it could wait', but you ignored his drowsy pleas and opened the door to find Dean, Scott, Dwight and John at your door, uneasy smiles on their faces.  
“Guys? What the fuck are you doing?” you asked, running a hand down your face in order to try and wipe away some of the tiredness.  
“We snuck out” Scott smiled, you hugged each of them and leaned against the door.  
“Negan said you're banging Rick Grimes, I gotta hand it to you, y/n, he's got quite a nice ass” Dean winked, you rolled your eyes.  
“'Ow are you findin' life 'ere, anyway?” John asked, you told him it was a lot better than at the Sanctuary, what with the hot water, and that you were in love with Rick.  
“He misses you, y'know. Negan, that is. He was pleading for you to come back the day you left. But, if you're happy, then that's all I give a shit about, which you seem to be” Dwight smiled kindly and shoved his hands in his pockets.  
“Y/n, who is it?” Rick came over to the open door and his face dropped when his eyes landed upon the four Saviours.  
“Rick, this is Dean and John, and you've met Scott and Dwight. They're good” your hand found Rick's and he squeezed softly, you smiled and squeezed back.  
“Damn, Officer Booty is even better from up close” Dean's eyes shamelessly raked over Rick's form, causing Rick to blush massively.  
"Do you guys wanna come in?" you asked, Rick looked worriedly at you but his worries were soon subsided as the four men looked amongst each other before answering.  
"Maybe when Negan isn't so pissed off" John smiled reassuringly and you smiled back.  
"Sure thing, dad" you pressed a quick kiss to his cheek and hugged him.  
"Yeah, what you said to him earlier, damn!" Dean laughed, you smirked and looked away with mock humility.  
"You gotta admit though, his face when he got back was priceless" Dwight added with a wink at you and Rick and a smirk on his half-scarred face.  
"He took my book from me" Scott mumbled with a pout, you couldn't help but laugh at how childish he was at times.  
"Oh shut up Hannibal Lecter, you spend too much time with your nose buried in them books anyway" Dean scolded, you and Rick laced your fingers together and watched as your friends, no, your family bickered.  
"Yeah, well at least I'm not getting medical advice from a cockney" Scott looked uneasily at John and swallowed thickly, he knew he was in for it.  
"Shut your damn mouth, ass'ole" John shot a glare at Scott and smiled at how you and Rick were watching them fight like hungry wolves.  
"Freddy Krueger over there never gets into these family discussions" Dean mumbled over at Dwight, who narrowed his eyes at the Welshman.  
"What did you just call me?" Dwight glared at Dean and almost lunged at the poor Welshman, even you found yourself cringing.  
"Freddy Krueger" Dean challenged, causing John to step in between the two of them.  
"Alright, break it up, you lot! C'mon, we gotta get back before Negan notices we're missin'" John slapped Dean and Dwight upside the head and shoved them so the four could start walking.  
"We'll see ya later, y/n. And Rick?" John stood at the back of his trio of 30-something-year-old children.  
"Yeah?" Rick raised an eyebrow at the cockney doctor as you stood with him in the door way.  
"You're good. Take care of my daughter" John waved and walked away behind the trio of Saviours.


	4. Dealing With It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean, Dwight, Scott, John and Negan deal with y/n living in Alexandria.

“Hey, y/n- fuck” Dwight sighed, his fingers running through his dirty blond hair, he missed you of course; he missed the way you used to wake him up in the morning with fresh coffee for him, Dean, John and Scott; he missed the way you would sit with him and the other three and joke with them, tell them about Negan. It was going to take what seemed like aeons to adjust to you living in Alexandria, but Dwight knew that if he grieved, he would never accept that you lived with Rick, and that you were happy. Collecting the remainder of the things you had left behind - a pair of jeans, a few old band shirts, and a couple of books- Dwight carefully packed them into his messenger bag and headed out the door to get on his bike and ride over to Alexandria. He hated not waking up to see you with Dean, John and Scott, sharing stories and gossip that was floating around the Sanctuary; although he would never admit it, Dwight had come to think of you as a sort of sister figure, and the thought of you being hurt by his leader - his friend, nonetheless- made his blood boil and his eyes burn with tears.   
“Never gonna get used to this” Dwight sighed at the Polaroid picture of you, him, John, Dean, Scott, Negan, Jesus and Rick that he kept in his shirt pocket at all times - it reminded him that even the worst of enemies can become united for a simple cause, and it gave him hope whenever he needed it. Dwight delicately put the picture back into his pocket and quietly hummed the tune to Fall Out Boy’s ‘The Kids Aren’t Alright’, as the lyric “I think you’re my best friend” reminded him of you. You were his best friend. You had been since you were 15.   
“Hey” came Scott’s grief stricken voice from the doorway, Dwight turned to him and smiled sadly.   
“We should be with y/n, she’s our friend, we need to be there to protect her” Dwight admitted, his pale blue-grey eyes searching Scott’s jade ones for any sign of agreement.   
“D, you should remember where your loyalties lie” Scott looked away and coughed awkwardly when Dwight scoffed and moved past the red-headed Saviour.   
“I do, Scott. Which is why I’m taking the rest of y/n’s stuff over to Alexandria” Dwight paused just shy of his motorbike and sighed, he turned back to Scott and gave him an apologetic look before getting on his bike and driving off.

* * *

Scott grumbled as he sat down on the sofa, his orange locks were cut short but he still managed to grab a hold of them and quieten himself as he cried. He missed you. Images of when you went to gay pride with him a year before the apocalypse flashed through his mind. He knew you were happy now, but he couldn’t help but feel as if he was doing the wrong thing by staying at the Sanctuary.   
“Hey, stop crying, she ain’t dead” Dean’s attempt at Eli Roth-esque humour didn’t go down as well with Scott as he had planned out in his head.   
“I know, but it's been _two days_ and I'm still not used to having y/n in Alexandria" Scott sighed and wished for you, his friend, back.   
"Hey man, it'll be alright. Like you said, we'll see her every other weekend, like a joint custody thing, and if you don't wanna do that, then we can always just sneak off with the excuse of going on a run or something" Dean shrugged and slapped Scott on the shoulder before leaving. You being in Alexandria was a difficult move in Scott's life, as he was still grieving over his mother, whom he had lost a month ago, which meant that he was still very much vulnerable. 

* * *

"How ya holdin' up, Brizzle?" Dean asked, John had hardly noticed him as he was consumed by tidying up the medical station.   
"Oh, Dean, alright mate?" John smiled softly at the Welshman when he almost walked straight into his chest, Dean rolled his eyes and gently grabbed John's arm, causing the cockney doctor to turn around and almost deck him.   
"Are you alright?" Dean asked, raising his eyebrows, John scoffed and his dark oak eyes met Dean's equally dark ones.   
"My daughter's happy, Dean, and the bloke she's with ain't a total nutter, I'm a bit better than alright, mate" John smiled and patted Dean's cheek before busying himself with the medical equipment.   
"Long as you're alright" Dean nodded and quickly left John to the thing he knew best: doctoring. 

* * *

"FOR ALL I FUCKING CARE, YOU FUCKERS COULD HAVE BEEN STOPPED BY THE FUCKING QUEEN OF GODDAMN ENGLAND! STOP GIVING ME YOUR CHICKEN SHIT EXCUSES AND TELL ME WHY THE FUCK YOU HAVE LESS THAN HALF OF THE SHIT I SENT YOU FUCKWITS OUT FOR!" Negan demanded, swinging Lucille in the faces of knelt Saviours; ever since you had left, Negan had become more and more strict with his iron fist.   
"S-sir, we simply couldn't find it" one of them tried to reason, Negan glared at him and crouched down so that he was mere inches away from his subordinate.   
"This is the fifth time you've pulled this shit, and I do not fucking tolerate that" Negan growled, standing up and raising Lucille above his head before bringing the barbed wire-clad baseball bat down on the poor man's head.   
"I DO NOT FUCKING STAND FOR LAZINESS, YOU PULL YOUR OWN GODDAMN WEIGHTS, AND IF YOU CAN'T THEN YOU'LL END UP JUST LIKE YOUR SHITTY FRIEND HERE, UNDERSTAND?!" Negan kept hitting the slush that was once a man's brain and skull until Lucille clanged on the concrete beneath him.   
"Yes, sir" and with that, the Saviours scuttled away, all of them wishing that you would return and soothe the raging lion that Negan had become. 

* * *

Dean sat in his room, he could hear the usual hubbub and commotion of the Saviours just like he could every day, but for the past two days it had become almost unbearable; of course, it was mainly due to the fact that you could turn almost any situation into a joke - you even managed to do it during the line up of the Alexandrians all those months ago - but it was also because you were the ringleader of the group of people he considered friends, and who the Saviours branded as 'Moriarty's Gang', you of course were Moriarty. He missed that already; the pop culture references you would make with him, the quotes that only you and he would get, but he especially loved the memory he held where you and he went around all the communities (the Kingdom, Alexandria, Hilltop and the Sanctuary) sorting your friends into Harry Potter houses; you were Ravenclaw, Dean was Hufflepuff, John was Ravenclaw, Dwight was also Ravenclaw, Scott was Hufflepuff, Negan was Slytherin, Rick was Gryffindor, Jesus was Hufflepuff and Ezekiel was Gryffindor; Dean took great pride in the fact that he was a Hufflepuff, as he was particularly good at finding things, which he said was down to his said house, you always rolled your eyes and asked John for another one of his books that you always borrowed.   
But as the hours of the day dragged past, Dean found himself sitting alone in the corner of the room he shared with Scott, Dwight and John, simply mulling over old memories that he wished he could relive with you - but you were probably in Alexandria doing unholy things with Rick Grimes. 


	5. Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick feels jealous after Negan visits, and he wants to claim his territory. (Basically just a SHORT chapter of smut because why the fuck not?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY IF THE SMUT IS REALLY BAD, IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE I'VE WRITTEN ANY

"Morning, y/n, Rick" Negan's voice called out, you and Rick turned away and you nodded for Rick to stay back - if things went south, you wanted to protect Rick as much as you could.   
"What do you want?" you asked him simply, Negan feigned hurt before smirking and leaning in close to you; Rick watched with a clenched jaw and a need building up within him.   
"You to fuck me?" Negan smirked, you rolled your eyes at him and were about to turn around when Negan pulled you flush against him and pressed a quick kiss to your cheek.   
"SEE YA LATER SWEET CHEEKS!" Negan called before sauntering off. He would enact his scheme soon, but for now, he just wanted to make Rick angry. 

"What a dick" you growled, but your reddened features said otherwise, you looked into Rick's eyes and he smirked down at you before pulling you between two of the - thankfully- empty houses.   
"You're mine, I'm yours, remember?" Rick all but growled, you could feel your panties grow wetter by the second as he pinned you against the wall and attacked your mouth with his.   
"You're gonna punish me for Negan flirting with me?" you panted, Rick shook his head and you could see the pent up rage within him, which only added to your arousal.   
"No. I'm just reminding everyone who you belong to" Rick then lunged for your throat, sucking skin into his mouth and bruising it so that it would be visible for a while.   
"Then I should remind you" you growled, pushing him against the wall with a playful smirk before sucking the skin of his throat into your mouth and nipping at it to create the same bruises.   
"Baby girl, if you keep this up, I will punish you" he whispered seductively in your ear, and you almost came in your panties right there.   
"Fuck me, Rick" you rasped, your hands unbuttoned your jeans and you slid them, along with your panties, down to your thighs.   
"Not yet" Rick growled, his left hand ran achingly slow down to your sex whilst his right kept your right leg in place by his hip so that he could have the perfect angle.   
"Rick, please" you mewled, and as if on command, Rick began to pump his fingers in and out in at a snail's pace.   
"Rick" you pleaded for him to go faster, and he smirked before upping the pace, causing your eyes to roll back and your hips to grind down onto Rick's hand for more friction; Rick pulled his hand away and licked it clean of your juices, just shy of you cumming on his hand.   
"Rick, please hurry up and fuck me" you begged, Rick smirked and pressed a deep kiss to your lips before pulling away.   
"You want this?" Rick asked, and you nodded.   
"Yes, I want it" you growled, reaching into your shirt and taking your bra off without even lifting it; Rick unzipped his jeans and brought out his throbbing length before pumping it a few times with his hand, precum drizzled out of the tip.   
"Oh, baby girl" Rick's large hands quickly grabbed your legs, hoisting you up, your legs wrapped around his legs instinctively as he pinned you roughly to the wall. You moaned with euphoria as he manoeuvred himself and slid into you with one rough and erotic thrust. Rick pressed you harder against the wall, moving in and slightly out with rough pounds, bringing you closer to orgasm as he made you tremble with pleasure.   
"Who do you belong to?" Rick asked, his voice was hoarse and strained.   
“You” you managed to choke, almost no air getting to your lungs as the pleasure overrode you.   
"And who am I?" Rick grunted, upping his pace, his thrusts making loud slapping noises against your skin as you thumped into the warm, almost hot, walls. Rick came first, his loud and deep moans making you cum after him.  
“RICK FUCKING GRIMES” you loudly cried out, digging your fingernails into his shoulders and down his back. Rick heavily groaned and allowed you to drop your legs to the floor.   
"Damn right" he growled in your ear, he helped you get your bra, jeans and panties back on before making himself decent.   
"I love you Rick" you said tenderly, Rick smiled and nodded, taking in the moment.   
"I love you too, y/n" he pressed a kiss to your forehead and took your hand in his gently.  

 


	6. Wham! and Schemes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean visits y/n and Rick at Alexandria. Meanwhile, Negan concocts a plan to win y/n over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stuff that's underlined is/are lyrics :)   
> Oh! And the names of songs within speech is in bold just to make it stand out more.

"God you look fantastic in my shirt" Rick grinned when he saw you in the kitchen, wearing his old sheriff's shirt and a pair of jeans, and dancing to your humming of 'Bohemian Rhapsody' whilst making an omelette for yourself, Carl and Rick.   
"But it'd look better on the bedroom floor" you winked, Rick smirked and sucked in a breath through clenched teeth, you began singing out loud at this point, and Rick grabbed your hand ever so gently so that he could dance with you.   
"I feel so unsure  
As I take your hand and lead you to the dance floor  
As the music dies, something in your eyes  
Calls to mind the silver screen  
And all its sad good-byes" you began slowly, your hands hooking around Rick's neck as his rested on your hips, you swayed in time with each other, and you rested your head on Rick's chest.   
"I'm never gonna dance again  
Guilty feet have got no rhythm  
Though it's easy to pretend  
I know you're not a fool" Rick sang slowly in your ear, both of your minds flashed back to the day when Rick had caught you singing that exact song in your bedroom, the day you knew that you loved Rick.   
 _"_ Should've known better than to cheat a friend  
And waste the chance that I've been given  
So I'm never gonna dance again  
The way I danced with you" you smiled and lifted your head to press a soft kiss to Rick's lips before he completed the next part of the song.   
"Time can never mend  
The careless whispers of a good friend  
To the heart and mind  
Ignorance is kind  
There's no comfort in the truth  
Pain is all you'll find" Rick smirked down at you and pressed a slow, almost hesitant kiss to your lips.   
"Oh for f- god's sake!" you heard the familiar tone of Dean from behind the two of you, and you chuckled before breaking away from Rick and hugging Dean, who was stood with Carl, both had grimaces on their faces.   
"Y/n, I like that you make my dad happy and everything but-"  
"I get it, Carl, you don't like seeing the mushy stuff, right?" you raised an eyebrow at the teen, who nodded and went to go dish up the food.   
"Thought I'd stop by, but from the sight I walked in on, you and Officer Booty were about to do more than sing **Careless Whisper** and dance" Dean winked, you rolled your eyes and made sure Carl was out of earshot before replying.   
"We were gonna see if we could get to the **Edge of Heaven** " you teased, Rick rolled his eyes at your god-awful Wham! puns, but he couldn't help but join in.   
"Well, **I'm Your Man** " Rick nodded at Dean, who looked as if he had finally found a worthy opponent.   
"Are you **Everything She Wants**?" Dean gestured over to you, a symbol that it was your turn to come up with a Wham! song.   
"He is a **Love Machine** , Dean" you joked, Rick blushed and swallowed thickly.   
"If you guys don't shut up, it'll take more than **Faith** to save you" Carl groaned, you looked at Rick with a stifled laugh and Dean let out a chuckle. 

* * *

 

"John, old buddy-"  
"No." John said simply, crossing his arms and looking up at Negan with a defiant spark in his eyes.   
"I haven't even asked the fucking question yet" Negan rubbed his face with his hands and waited for John to talk before talking himself.   
"Y/n is with Rick now, Negan, she's _happy_. Let 'er be" John was about to walk out when Negan ordered him to sit down.   
"Just tell me how to win her back" Negan knitted his eyebrows and awaited John's response.   
"You can't. Now sling yer 'ook" John slammed the door on his way out and left Negan with no other option - he had to concoct his plan by himself. 

* * *

"Oh my god, no, remember when that rumour about Shane fucking a pie went around the school and even Mister Woods believed it?!" you laughed, Rick was up to the point where he was clutching his sides from laughing so hard, and Dean was wondering if he could end up like you and Rick if he found the right person.   
"Yeah, and after that I couldn't bare to go to Lidl!" Rick leaned his head on your shoulder as he laughed with you.   
"Oh god, poor Shane, he wasn't exactly treated well" you slowly calmed your breathing and pulled Rick in for an intoxicating kiss.   
"Who was? It was high school" Rick laughed, you tapped his cheek lightly and gazed into his aquamarine eyes for a brief second.   
"You were. You had practically every single girl drooling over you" you teased, Rick raised an eyebrow at you and you nodded slowly.   
"Every girl, Rick" even the most popular girl at your high school had lusted him, and because you were a good friend, you told her he was taken.   
"Even that receptionist?" he asked, you rolled your eyes and got up to sit with Dean on the floor.   
"Hey, you think you're such a catch, go out there and pull, Grimes" you poked your tongue out at him when he shot you a look.   
"No, because I love you" he smiled and crawled into your lap before placing a lustful kiss to your lips.   
"Guys! I'm sat right here!" Dean got up and quickly stole Rick's place on the sofa.   
"Sorry, Dean, but the adults are at play here" you winked, Dean rolled his eyes and glared at you.   
"Hey, Dean, you're Welsh right?" Rick asked with a genuine interest.   
"Yeah, from Pontypridd" Dean answered, he glared at you again when you began laughing.   
"Sing some Tom Jones!" you laughed, Dean chuckled and shook his head.   
"I would, but I'd better get going. I shall serenade you two on my next visit. Tell Carl I'll bring him some gum as well" Dean smiled and bid the two of you goodbye. 

* * *

"Dean!" Negan rejoiced, but the Welshman simply raised a dark eyebrow at him before rolling his eyes and continuing to walk.   
"What scheme have you been cooking up now?" he asked, knowing that his leader was following him, Negan chuckled.   
"There's no scheme. Just... a plan, I guess you could say" Negan explained, Dean stopped dead in his tracks and sighed, turning to Negan, he folded his arms and looked the hazel eyed psychopath in the eyes with a great defiance.   
"You can bugger off, as far as I'm concerned. I saw them today, Negan, y/n and Rick. They're happy. _Y/n's_ happy. Now make like my dad and sod off" Dean growled and headed off to find John for a change in mood, as he had had enough of Negan trying to win you back recently, especially since he had been sleeping around. 

Negan stood where Dean left him and pondered if he really did need anyone else to help him - he knew you well enough to know what you liked, and he could make you laugh, what was stopping him from marching over to Alexandria and declaring his love for you other than Rick Grimes?   
"Asshole" Negan mumbled to himself when he remembered that Rick Grimes was your lover, and that there was no way in hell he would let him talk to you alone - especially now that you two were _actually_ together.

Sitting at his desk, Negan looked for the Biro pen and the notepad that he kept for planning his 'schemes'. First, he would somehow separate you and Rick, probably by getting him to run back and forth doing errands for him; then he would declare his love for you; finally, he would prove himself, and win you back.   
"Fuck it" Negan growled, not settling on a whole plan, he didn't need it, he knew what he was doing, and he had both his heart and mind set on it. 

* * *

"I can't stop this feeling  
Deep inside of me  
Girl, you just don't realize  
What you do to me  
When you hold me  
In your arms so tight  
You let me know  
Everything's all right  
I, I'm hooked on a feeling  
I'm high on believing  
That you're in love with me" you sang, your voice was slightly louder than usual as you had just gotten out of the shower and you were too busy drying your hair to care how loud your voice was.   
"Lips are sweet as candy  
It's taste stays on my mind  
Girl you got me thirsty  
For another cup of wine  
Got a bug from you girl  
But I'll don't need no cure  
I just stay a victim  
If I can for sure" Rick completed, you almost screamed when you heard the first syllables, but you soon realised it was your boyfriend with the Southern drawl and the azure eyes that could melt even a diamond.   
"All the good love  
When we're all alone  
Keep it up girl  
Yeah, you turn me on  
I, I'm hooked on a feeling  
I'm high on believing  
That you're in love with me" you sang with him before standing flush against him and pressing a tender, sweet kiss to his lips; his tongue ran along your bottom lip and you allowed him access to your mouth, your tongues danced better than either of you ever could; Rick's hands slid into your back pockets, and you grinned into the kiss before your hands found the back of Rick's head and pulled him closer as one rested on the base of his neck. 


	7. Moriarty's Gang

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moriarty's Gang - or rather, y/n's friends at the Sanctuary - decide to throw a party, and get drunk in order to forget recent events.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this chapter came to me during Maths, and I had to write it.

"Dwight, how's the music coming along?" Dean, the new ringleader, called over to the scarred blond who was knee deep in wires and electrical equipment.   
"Should be ready in time, Dean" Dwight knelt upright so that he was visible to the Welshman, his face covered in blue, black, yellow and red wires, but his grin still sticking out like a beam of hope.   
"Good, if you need any help, just ask" Dean nodded over to Dwight, who sunk back into his matted wires and continued tampering with them. 

"Dean!" Scott gestured for the Welshman to go over to him, he was leaning against the back of his truck, which had multiple crates packed inside, with what Dean could only guess was hastily gathered bottles of alcohol stuffed inside.   
"Yeah?" Dean folded his arms and mimicked Scott's stance.   
"I got the booze" Scott threw a thumb over his shoulder and pointed into the boot of his truck.   
"Nice job" Dean praised and clapped Scott on the back, he made a mental note to not allow the red head to drink, for fear that he may become suicidal due to the loss of his mother merely a month ago.   
"Hey, have you seen John?" Dean asked, Scott slowly nodded and ran a hand through his short ginger locks.   
"He's out at the moment, Negan sent him to clear out a couple of walkers from the front, he shouldn't be too long" Scott shrugged; killing walkers at the front of the Sanctuary was no big deal, people who worked for points did it every day, but none of Moriarty's Gang worked for points. Dean's face turned pale as if he had seen his best friend torn apart right in front of him.   
"Dean, you okay?" Scott reached a hand out to Dean but was taken slightly aback when he felt the shuddering Welshman beneath him.   
"None of us work for points, Scott. Only people who work for points clear out walkers" Dean swallowed thickly, he didn't know why, but Negan having John do point-work made him extremely uneasy.   
"I'll go grab John, you sort Negan out" Scott nodded and began to run over to the walker pit - which was a few metres from where John was.   
"Got it" Dean gave Scott a curt nod and seemed as if he was faster than The Flash as he ran over to Negan's quarters. 

* * *

"John, mate, why you out here?" Scott quickly spun his knife into his hand before planting it into the skull of a walker.   
"I asked Negan if we could use 'is old room, y'know, the sound proof one? Well, this is payment" John kicked two walkers to the ground and sunk his hands into their eyes before ripping their heads apart as if they were made of paper, he then grabbed another walker and smashed apart it's head with his left foot, whilst pinning another walker to the fence with his arms so that Scott could sink his knife into their heads.   
"Fair enough. Mind if I help?" the red head smiled at the cockney doctor, who nodded and worked in swift motion to take down the rest of the walkers. 

* * *

"WE DON'T DO FUCKING POINT WORK! THAT WAS THE _ONE_  PROMISE YOU MADE TO Y/N" Dean argued, narrowing his dark eyes at his leader, who squinted and growled out a low chuckle.   
"Of course  _Moriarty's Gang_  don't do point work" Negan spat the group nickname as if it was a slur against him, causing Dean to lean his palms on the leader's desk and look him straight in the eyes.   
"You fucking  _promised_ , and if you break it, I swear to goddamn  _Jesus_  that I'll tell y/n, and that she'll come down here to kick your ass" Dean threatened, but unlike some of Negan's, it was far from empty.   
"You tell y/n, and I'll make sure all of Moriarty's Gang is kicked out of the Saviours and forced to live with the undead fuckers outside these walls" Negan spoke lowly, softly even, as he held eye contact with Dean, the air thick and homicidal between them.   
" _Rick Grimes_  will take us in, we won't have to live with the undead fucks outside these walls. Not to mention, Moriarty's Gang is composed of your  _best_  Saviours - a doctor, a hunter, and two warriors. You really gonna kick out your  _only_  chance of staying in power here? Your only chance of staying alive?" Dean watched as Negan mulled over the options.   
"Fine. No point work, ever. You goddamn Brits and your fucking complaining people to compromise" Negan grumbled, raising his eyebrow as if asking Dean when he was going to leave.   
"I'm Welsh, and while Wales is a part of Britain, we ain't like the English - we have a thing called manners" Dean shot before leaving to go find Dwight, Scott and John. 

* * *

"Dean, what did he say?" Scott looked up at him with big emerald eyes, the shade that one would imagine when reading a book, in fact, you had often called his eyes 'fanfiction green'.   
"That we will never be doing point work" Dean slung his arm around Scott's shoulders and began walking, the two of them talking and laughing before stopping outside of Negan's old room.   
"Here they are! Sherlock and Greg" Dwight joked as Dean and Scott entered the room; Dwight was sat on the plush swede sofa, whilst John was setting up the drinks and cups on the little oak dining table they had.   
"Shut up Scully, and you can have your Mulder back now" Dean joked back, his arm dropping from Scott's as he made his way over to John to help him. 

"I ain't an old man, Dean, I don't need any 'elp in settin' up booze, alright?" John's tone was just shy of annoyed; he came from a city in England called Bristol, where drug dealers ruled the streets like kings, and no-one was safe from violence, he didn't need anyone to help him.   
"I know, but I figured we'd let the young ones have their privacy" Dean smiled, John made a 'mm-hmm' sound and continued to sort out the bottles and cups amongst the table. 

"Weren't Scully and Mulder, like, in love with each other?" Scott asked, Dwight laughed a little and tilted his hand from left to right.   
"For a while, then Scully dumped him" Dwight shrugged, Scott looked down sadly at the floor with a remark about how 'love is supposed to last forever'.   
"Love can last forever, Scott. I mean, look at you with your mother - you'll always love her right?" Scott nodded, "Exactly. Some loves last forever, be it mother and son, or y/n and her music, Hell, even Beauty and the Beast" Dwight smiled at Scott and nodded, a hopeful optimism locked away in his blue-grey eyes.   
"But, if love lasts forever-"  
"It doesn't all the time. Sometimes, Scott, love can only last a brief period, but sometimes it actually does last forever. You can never tell how long the love you feel will last, which is why you need to always cherish it. I can't believe you're in your thirties but still don't know dick about love" Dwight chuckled sadly and thought about his ex-wife, Sherry, who had left him for Negan to 'live a better life', but he had heard her on more than one occasion saying that she loved Negan, although when she died, Dwight had no resentments towards either of them - no matter how hard he tried to.   
"Here, drink" Dean handed the two of them two cups that had something that smelled like apple vodka in them; the duo of light haired men thanked the Welshman, who was now wondering over to the music player.   
"Any requests?" Dean asked, flicking through the music that was available; some George Michael, ABBA, Wham!, Bastille, and some of the cheesiest songs on the planet.   
"Yeah, the cheesiest shit on there!" John called out, dropping himself onto the swede sofa, his own cup wrapped in his hand.   
"Barbie Girl it is then!" Dean called out, flicking on the abominable song and dropping onto the floor in front of the sofa. 

* * *

 

The night seemed to go smoothly for Moriarty's Gang, as they drank, sang and danced their sorrows away, they began to feel more and more at ease with your absence - of course they still missed you greatly, however.   
"AYY MACARENA!" Dean slurred joyfully as he jumped around to the left, the others doing exactly as he did; but before they could continue their dance, The Weather Girls came on, with their famous song - It's Raining Men.   
"Hi, hi we're your weather girls  
Ah-huh  
And have we got news for you  
You better listen  
Get ready, all you lonely girls  
And leave those umbrellas at home  
Alright" the four sang in unison before the door opened and Negan raised an eyebrow as he watched them curiously.   
"What the fuck?" Negan interrupted, John was the first to look at him, and he smirked.   
"We're doin' a rain dance" he joked, Negan stifled a laugh at the pathetic attempt at a drunken pun, and sat himself on the swede sofa as Moriarty's Gang went back to doing their drunken partying; but he would stick around for a while, as he needed to make sure that none of them would become too much of a handful. 

* * *

 

"What do you guys suppose y/n and Rick are doing?" Scott asked, seemingly out of the blue, his slurred voice curious and careful, as even in his drunken state, he knew talking about you and your new boyfriend was something he didn't want to hear much of.   
"I dunno? Fuckin' probably" John shrugged casually, as he was the most sober, he sat down with Negan and smiled sympathetically at him, his eyes were looking at Negan, but they seemed to be focused on something far away.   
"I love her, John. I fucking love her, and I fucked it up by sleeping with someone I never felt anything for" Negan sighed, he had always confided in John, but he also knew about John's fatherly bond with you.   
"Well, then, you should prove to 'er that you love 'er more than anythin'. That's what I did with Sam, but 'e stayed in England, wouldn't come with me because he wanted to marry in 'is 'omeland, y'know? Anyway, you gotta show 'er 'ow much she means to ya, and you gotta make sure that she ain't in love with Rick neither, 'cause that'll get ya nowhere. Ya understand?" when Negan nodded, John smiled at him and got up to help Scott, who had began to vomit into one of the bowls brought out for that exact reason. 

Negan mulled over his plan, how would he make you realise how madly he was in love with you, then it dawned on him. The one thing you loved most in the world: music. It was his ultimate weapon, he could find what he wanted to say, and then he could just play it to you. That would help his cause. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually really like all of the musicians and bands and songs mentions. Even Barbie Girl, which I hate soooo much, but I also loooooooove it sooooo much.


	8. Visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/n has an eerie nightmare, forcing her further into Rick's arms. Then Negan visits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOTS OF TALK ABOUT CHEATING, SWEARING, ECT.

_The wolves stalked their ways towards you, teeth bared in snarls, and eyes burning into you as they inched closer and closer. One of them, the smallest, was a reddish brown, with bright emerald eyes, it's steps were the most hesitant, as if it was being ordered to do this; there were two with almost black eyes, but one's fur was darker than the others, the darker wolf was smaller than it's almost twin; with a half burnt muzzle, the wolf with blue-grey eyes and dirty blond fur was the one who was the most aggressive, like it had something to prove to the leader of the pack, it snapped its mouth closed multiple times as it's thin, careful, paws carried it towards you; the leader, a black wolf with hazel eyes and grey stubble around it's jaws, sat back and watched its minions as they began to growl menacingly._  
_"No, please!" you begged, tears streaming down your face, the black wolf then snapped at its subordinates to stop in their tracks, which they did with military obedience; the black wolf neared you and it's hazel eyes looked into yours before it opened its jaws and tilted its head, lunging forward, it ripped your jugular apart and your own blood spurted everywhere as you fell to the cold ground, eyes slowly closing as you choked on your own blood._  
_"RICK!" you cried out, screaming as the world faded from your view, and the black wolf sat in front of your face, looking as if it was smirking; you whispered Rick's name like a prayer, over and over, wishing for him to come and rescue you, be your knight in shining armour._

"Y/N! WAKE UP!" Rick shook you by your shoulders, he was straddling you as you screamed in your sleep, calling out for Rick to help you whilst you were stuck in your nightmare.  
"Y/N! It's me, Rick!" he cried, then the screaming stopped, your eyes shot open and you immediately wrapped your arms around Rick, tears falling as you heaved sobs whilst your face rested on his bare chest.  
"It was only a nightmare, y/n, you're okay. I'm here. Nothing's gonna happen to you" he whispered soothingly, calloused but comforting hands running up and down your back as he held you in his arms.  
"Rick, it all felt so real" you sniffled, Rick rocked back and forth slightly and pressed a comforting kiss to the top of your head. This had happened multiple times before, even when you were kids, it was always the same thing: wolves, jugular being torn out, you screaming for Rick.  
"I know, baby girl, I know" Rick whispered now, his cerulean eyes filled with tears, he hated seeing you so scared, so fragile.  
"I talk to God as much as I talk to Satan 'cause I want to hear both sides  
Does that make me cynical  
There are no miracles  
And this is no miraculous life  
I savour hate as much as I crave love because  
I'm just a twisted guy  
Is this pinnacle, is this the pinnacle, the pinnacle of being alive  
Now I see the light  
Well I look up to god and I see trouble 'cause this ain't a miracle  
I just want to take my chance to live through a miracle   
I know for certain that someone is watching but, is it from up or down  
I make you miserable you stick with me although  
You know I'm going to ruin your life  
I talk to God as much as I talk to Satan 'cause I want to hear both sides  
Does that make me cynical  
There are no miracles  
And this is no miraculous life  
We walk into the ride  
Well I look up to God and I see trouble 'cause this ain't a miracle  
I just want to take my chance to live through a miracle  
When the see-saw snaps and splinters your hand don't come crying to me  
I'll only see your good side  
And believe it's a miracle  
A miracle  
I slap the water and watch  
The fish dance to the ripples of us  
We're the dull blue duds  
Blinking eyes encased in rust  
This ain't a miracle  
This ain't a miracle  
This ain't a miracle  
This ain't a miracle" Rick sang gently, it was a song he often sang to you after a nightmare: **Biffy Clyro's 'God and Satan** '.  
"I love you, Rick" you sniffled, your grip tightening on him, pulling him closer to you.  
"I love you too, y/n" he smiled and cradled you in his arms for a moment, pressing feather light kisses to the top of your head every time you sniffled from the amount you had been crying.  
"You should eat, and take some aspirin, you always get headaches after crying that much" Rick waited for you to untangle yourself before he pulled on a shirt and headed downstairs; Rick knew so much about you, and yet he was still beside you, which perplexed you to no end, as it seemed that the more people knew about you, the more they distanced themselves; you even kept things from Negan, for fear that he would leave you, but Rick, no matter how much you told him, how much he knew about you, he stayed. For years, you had vented everything to Rick, and for years, he always supported and cared for you; when you needed help with school work, but were too afraid to ask the teacher for help, Rick asked for you; when you wanted to revise for a test, Rick was right there with you; when you had a nightmare, Rick sang to you, gave you food and aspirin, as he quickly learned that you became nauseous, developed headaches, and grew dehydrated after crying; when your aunt died, Rick was at the funeral with you, holding your hand and comforting you, he even stayed around your house the night of the funeral because he knew you needed him there; Rick knew everything about you, and it shocked you every day to know that he was still there. Like he always was.

"Here" Rick passed you two painkillers and a sandwich, you smiled up at him and noticed that his cobalt eyes were brighter than usual - as if he had been crying.  
"Rick, are you okay?" you patted the bed beside you, and when Rick sat down, he sighed, but then he smiled and pressed a quick, chaste kiss to your lips.  
"I've always hated seeing you like that, what those nightmares do to you" his tone was hardly above a whisper, and you could feel the sadness radiating off of him as he spoke, putting down your sandwich, you moved closer to him, and placed your head on his shoulder with a deep sigh  
"I hate always having to put you through them" you admitted, you were grateful that Rick always helped you out, but you hated the fact that they traumatised him so much.  
"Y/n, if you wanna go back to N-"  
"No. Rick, I love _you_ , not Negan. I've had nightmares before Negan, and he couldn't stand them just as much as you" you gently grabbed Rick's hand and squeezed it, "but he always got John or Dean to wake me up from them. You, Rick fucking Grimes, you stuck around, you're my wonderwall" you smiled slightly when Rick chuckled, he placed a small kiss to your temple and closed his eyes.  
"Want me to make it even better for you?" Rick bit his lip, you looked up at him and saw his lust blown pupils before your cheeks reddened and your breath hitched.  
"Do you even need to ask?" you placed the plate of food Rick had given you on the bedside table and laid down on the bed.

* * *

The back of your head hit the pillow again, for the fifth time that morning, you were covered in a thin sheet of sweat, and your legs were not only aching, but trembling from the high you had just come down from.  
"Fuck" Rick groaned, rolling over so that he was facing you, his fingers traced small patterns on your upper arm, and his arctic blue eyes watched your chest rise and fall as if it was a piece of art he was trying to figure out the meaning of.  
"I love you" you yawned, moving so that you were lying on top of him, your head on his chest, and your arms wrapped around him.  
"I love you too" Rick smiled, placing a small kiss to the top of your head, his arms wrapped around your wrist as he held you there, both of you drifting off into an easy sleep.

* * *

"You say they've been up there all mornin'?" John asked Carl, who nodded, his silence a defiance Negan.  
"Well, fucking go up there, and wake them up!" Negan growled at John, who set his jaw and glared up at Negan with a stern look in his dark oak eyes.  
"Why don't you?" Dean challenged, he handed Carl a pack of gum and winked at the teen before turning back to Negan.  
"Fine, I fucking will then!" Negan stormed up the stairs and banged on Rick's door.

* * *

"Y/n, stay there" Rick ordered, protectiveness and worry for you lacing his voice, he sprang out of bed and quickly pulled on a pair of grey sweats before answering the door, much to his surprise, Negan was stood there.  
"Hi, Rick" Negan smiled, a toxic cheerfulness to his voice as he leaned backwards.  
"Negan" Rick averted his eyes to the floor and became quiet, like he always did around Negan.  
"Have you seen y/n? Heard she was up here with you" Negan's grin dropped at the last part, and Rick slowly closed the door behind him, he stood out in the hallway with Negan.  
"Why do you wanna know where y/n is?" Rick asked quietly, Negan's grin suddenly sprang back up devilishly and Rick knew he shouldn't of asked.  
"Because I love her" Negan admitted, the cocky grin never leaving his salt and pepper stubble-covered face.  
"Me and y/n are together, Negan. I love her, she loves me. And besides, you cheated on her, I would never do that" Rick's quiet defiance almost made Negan smash his head against the wall right there and then.  
"You better shut your fucking mouth" Negan growled, Rick nodded and retreated back into the bedroom, where you were waiting for him with open arms.  
"I'm gonna kill him" you said simply, Rick sighed in your arms and looked at you with pleading aqua eyes.  
"Don't. You kill him, then you're no better than him" Rick pleaded, but you simply gave him a chaste kiss and got dressed before heading out the bedroom door and towards Negan.

* * *

"FUCKING ASSHOLE!" you yelled at Negan, Dean and John quickly grabbed Carl and took him outside to spare him from what was either going to be said, or done.  
"I fucking knew it! You are actually fucking him!" Negan shot back, you rolled your eyes and pinched the bridge of your nose.  
"Yes, Negan! Not that it's any of your fucking business, but yeah, I'm fucking him! And no, what I said about him being able to make me cum harder, faster and louder was not total bull shit, unlike everything that spews out from your fucking mouth!" you argued, Negan clenched his jaw and tilted his head in anger.  
"I told you I fucking loved you, y/n! And I did! I didn't want to cheat on you by fucking that woman, but I did! I made a fucking mistake! And you left me for it! For Rick fucking Grimes, nonetheless!" Negan knew that now the plan he had concocted was so useless that it may as well have been Valjean's probation papers in Les Miserables.  
"You never once said you loved me! I don't fucking care if you loved me, Negan! You still fucking cheated, and I don't give a shit if it was a mistake or not, cheating is un-fucking-forgivable! As for Rick, I love him, and nothing you can say, do, or try will make me change my mind. Now kindly fuck off into a cesspit" you yelled before storming back off into the bedroom, where you found Rick sat on the edge of the bed, wringing his shaking hands. You sat beside him and rested your head on his shoulder, just as you did earlier that morning.  
"You heard all of that, huh?" you asked calmly, Rick nodded and sighed before looking down at you and smiling.  
"I especially liked the bit where you told him to 'fuck off into a cesspit'" he chuckled, you slapped his chest lightly and laughed.  
"Every time I see him, my blood boils" you admitted, Rick nodded knowingly and put his arm around you, giving you a reassuring squeeze.  
"I just wish..." you trailed off, Rick raised an eyebrow and took your hand in his.  
"Wish what?" he whispered, almost afraid to ask.  
"I just wish that he wasn't such a fucking dick sometimes. I just wish that the world hadn't gone to shit, I just wish that me, you and Carl could have a _normal_ life, y'know?" you looked into Rick's sky blue eyes and saw so much understanding that it made your heart ache.  
"I know. I know" he nodded, you sighed out and squeezed his hand tightly.

* * *

"So, Carl, how's it been having y/n around?" Dean asked as he and John sat with the teen, they had given him one of the cans of beer that they had sneaked in with them on the promise that he wouldn't tell you or Rick.  
"Amazing. She makes Dad so happy, and she's fun to be around" Carl took a sip from the can and acted as if he liked the taste, his face making John and Dean laugh.  
"So, I guess that makes you me grandson, eh?" John smiled, gently slapping the teen on the shoulder with a genuine kindness.  
"What?" Carl looked quizzically at both men.  
"John and y/n have this thing where John says y/n's his daughter and y/n says John's her dad. They basically adopted each other" Dean shrugged, Carl looked confused at first, but slowly nodded.  
"Yeah, I guess that does make me your grandson then" Carl smiled warmly at his newfound 'grandfather', who returned the gesture just as warmly.  
"So, what do you think y/n and Rick are doing right now?" Dean winked at John, who slapped him upside his head, causing the Welshman to rub the spot with his hand and grumble out in pain, Carl chuckled and smirked at John.  
"Why do you always slap Dean on the back of his head?" Carl asked, John chuckled and looked Carl dead in the eye.  
"Because 'e's an idiot" John answered simply, taking a sip of his beer and raising an eyebrow at Negan, who came storming out of Rick's house with a look of homicidal rage painted across his features.  
"Dean, take Carl and get 'im out of 'ere, Negan's pissed, and I don't want 'im 'earing 'alf the shit Negan gotta say" John ordered, Dean nodded and took Carl over to Daryl before heading back over to John to help out.

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SAY TO HER?!" Negan yelled, grabbing John by the shirt collar and pinning him against the wall, John raised an eyebrow at Negan and rolled his eyes.  
"Woah, Negan, calm down!" Dean came over now, he stood around half a foot taller than Negan, and was much stronger.  
"YOU DON'T TELL ME WHEN TO CALM THE FUCK DOWN, DEAN, I FUCKING OWN YOU!" Negan yelled, looking up at Dean.  
"And I can beat the shit out of you, which you know I can, so I suggest you calm your shit" Dean said calmly, Negan sighed and mumbled an apology to John before stalking off towards the gate, Dean quick on his heels.


	9. Fathers and Leader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John gives y/n and Rick something unexpected; Negan and Dean address their tension; Scott sets out to prove himself a real Saviour, on his own accord.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING: SELF-HARM/SUICIDE THEMES/DEPRESSION,

Scott strode around the fences, walkers were secured on them with their rotten claws reaching out to him as they struggled and pulled on their restraints; their growls filled Scott's ears as he walked past, trying to seem fearless when, in fact, he was anything but. Scott was determined to prove himself to Negan, as he felt as if the baseball-bat wielding leader thought him weaker than the likes of Dean or John, or even Dwight.  
"Stay calm, you've killed walkers before" Scott reassured himself as he stopped in front of one walker, who looked a lot like his mother had, Scott sighed deeply and looked the growling undead woman in the cold, dead eyes.   
"Hey ma" Scott was already crying; he wouldn't allow Negan to put her down, as he still held what shred of humanity she had left close to him - even if it was only an illusion.   
"I need to do this now, don't I?" Scott sighed, pulling out the knife from his hip's holster with a quaking hand; the walker growled at him and yanked at it's chains whilst Scott stood there; tears streamed down his face as he tried to calm himself. He _had_ to prove that he was worthy of such a high status within the Saviours, in his mind anyway.   
"Ma, Scotty loves ya" Scott sniffled as he drove the knife into the walker's head, his hands holding onto the handle to keep him from falling to his knees. 

* * *

"John!" you rejoiced, pulling him into a tight hug with a grin, you had expected the cockney doctor to return to the Sanctuary, but were overjoyed to find out that he had stayed in Alexandria.   
"That's me name, y/n. I couldn't just leave without a proper goodbye now, could I?" John grinned back when his eyes settled on Rick, who looked as if he had just come out of the shower, but then again, you did too; Rick closed the front door behind the three of you as you stood on the porch of your home, the normality of the moment oddly unsettling.   
"Hey John" Rick greeted, wrapping his arm around your waist with a content smile.   
" **'** ello Rick" John pulled him in for a hug and squeezed your boyfriend's shoulders reassuringly, you giggled at how shocked Rick was from the sudden contact.   
"You didn't go with Negan?" Rick asked, John's smile fell for just a second but you still saw, and felt bad for it.   
"Nah. Didn't wanna go without a proper goodbye to me daughter, y'know?" John shrugged, his dark eyes crinkling slightly; Rick nodded with understanding, as he never went anywhere without telling Carl first, and now he made sure to always tell you.   
"But I met y/n's father" Rick looked at the dark sky for a moment before processing what John could possibly mean in his head, when you broke his string of thoughts easily.   
"John 'adopted' me after I joined the Saviours, even though I was 20-something at the time" you shot a smile John's way and then looked back at Rick with a soft smile and a gentle glint in your eyes, Rick nodded and pressed his forehead to yours.   
"Can we go inside a minute?" John asked, you nodded and opened the door, allowing him in before you and Rick followed, his arm finding its way around your waist.   
"Okay, Carl's upstairs, right?" John asked once more, you and Rick looked at each other, than at John, and nodded.   
"Yeah" Rick spoke with a cautious tone, but much to his surprise, John smiled and reached into his pocket, bringing out a beaten velvet box.   
"You two take good care of these, yeah?" John smiled softly and handed the box to Rick, who was astonished and overwhelmed with joy when he saw what was inside. 

* * *

"Okay, we gotta fucking talk" Negan growled, dropping himself onto Dean's bed, Dean looked from his bean bag and put his guitar aside before raising an eyebrow at Negan.   
"What about?" Dean grumbled, not in the mood to talk to Negan, period.   
"About why we've been fucking screaming at each other since y/n left" Negan's voice lowered drastically as your name fell from his lips, Dean looked at Negan with an unidentifiable emotion locked within his almost black eyes.   
"So what, Negan? You aren't exactly the most caring person in the world, so what's it to you?" Dean mumbled, pulling the sleeves on his 'Starry Night' hoodie down so that it was covering his wrists.   
"Because," Negan sat up and leaned his forearms on his knees before looking Dean straight in the eyes, "y/n told me about what you do when you're alone" Dean gulped, of course you told Negan, but he would have never expected him to give a shit; swallowing the lump in his throat, Dean pulled his gaze from Negan to his guitar, and picked it up with a trembling pale hand.   
"I don't know what you're talking about, Negan, just get the fuck out" Dean grumbled, strumming the strings on his guitar with delicate fingers, the instrument had always calmed him, which was why he protected it all these years.   
"Yes, you do, Dean. Don't fucking lie to me. I know that when you were 15 you started to take razors to your skin, then you stopped, then it was on and off again. Is that why you're being so fucking distant? Because you started to fuck up your skin again?" Negan asked, trying his best to be as calm and gentle as he could, but Dean simply strummed the strings of his guitar to a tune that even Negan knew: 'Mad World' by Gary Jules.  
"Dean!" Negan slammed his fist onto Dean's nightstand, causing the Welshman to jump out of his skin and put the guitar down.   
"What?" Dean hissed, once again pulling the sleeves of his hoodie down, Negan saw how Dean didn't allow them any further up than the base of his thumbs.   
"You're fucking cutting aren't you?" Negan asked, voice a rasp, as if he couldn't believe he was saying the words.   
"Who fucking cares if I am? Y/n fucking left, she could care less about me! Dwight's too busy fucking acting like your fucking lap-dog to notice! John's doesn't need a burden like me, and Scott's got too much to deal with at the moment. _Nobody_ fucking cares about me, not you, not the Saviours, not _John_ " Dean began to break down, hot tears pouring down his cheeks as he spilled his soul in front of the least likely person.   
"Dean, that's bullshit-"  
"No! You can't fucking sit there and tell me it's bullshit when you hurt everybody around you. You can't fucking sit there and tell me that it's bullshit when you have _NO IDEA_ what it's like to live with a massive burden on your shoulders, a secret you have to lock away and keep away from everybody, because if they knew it, all you'd get is pity and 'Oh I'll help' only for them to turn their backs on you the second you scream for help. Negan, you might be one smart mother fucker, but this... burden of mine, you can never know what it's like for me. I wake up every day, and my first thought is: I can't do this anymore. I go to sleep, and my last thought is: I hope I don't wake up. It's selfish, I know, because Dwight, Scott, John, y/n, they all looked after me but, I dunno, I just feel so detached. But, you know what, Negan? No matter how bad I feel, no matter how much of a _burden_ I become, no matter what the _fuck_ is going on in my mind, you'll _always_ be an asshole for what you did to y/n" Dean stared intensely at Negan, who was quite taken aback by the statement the Welshman had just made.   
"So, what you're saying is, even though you're being a fucking idiot and cutting yourself, you still hate my fucking guts?" Negan huffed out a breath that he had been holding when Dean sunk into his bean bag and picked up the guitar again, playing the same song he was before he put it down.   
"Get out" Dean said simply, this time, however, Negan complied. 

* * *

"Ma I'm so sorry" Scott cried, now he was on his knees, the knife still trembling in his hands as he looked down at it, then back up at the walker that was no longer snarling at him.   
"Scott?" Negan picked up Scott by the collar of his shirt and forced the ginger to look at him; teary and puffy emerald eyes met Negan's cold and intense brunette ones.   
"Ma" was all Scott said as he collapsed onto his knees again, his shirt tearing in Negan's hand, as he knelt beneath the walker's corpse, loud sobs escaping his mouth.   
"Scott, you fucking idiot!" Negan growled, trying to pull Scott from his almost prayer-like stance, but then Negan noticed exactly which walker Scott was beneath, and the truth came flooding into his mind.   
"Scott, I'm sorry" Negan dropped to his knees beside Scott and laid a hand on his shoulder in an effort to console him.   
"I just killed my own mum" Scott grappled onto Negan's shirt and heaved heavy sobs onto the fabric, Negan looked down at him both dumbfounded and pitiful, but also slightly jealous at the fact that Scott still viewed the undead as his mother; as Scott cried, Negan could feel his tears soaking through his shirt, and he could understand the pain, the trauma, that Scott had just been through.   
"It's okay" Negan mumbled quietly, pulling Scott into a hug, squeezing the redhead's shoulders.   
"I... I proved myself now, right?" Scott pulled away and looked up at Negan with pleading shamrock eyes that could melt the polar icecaps.   
"Sure, Scott, you really fucking proved yourself, kid" Negan had no idea what to say, which was unusual for him to say the least, as he consoled the crying grass-eyed redhead. 

* * *

 

"John, what - what can I say?" you gasped as you looked down at the three rings in the abused velvet box; two gold bands with the engraved phrase 'you're mine' in both yours and Rick's exact sizes, and a silver engagement ring with a heart made out of cobalt gems - they were perfect, in every sense of the word.   
"Nothin'. Just promise me you'll do it while I'm still kickin'." John smiled, he tapped your knee with his hand and then tapped Rick's shoulder before getting up and leaving. 

"Do you think he's trying to hint at something?" Rick smiled, his hand intertwined with yours as the two of you gazed down at the rings in the box, you leaned your head on his shoulder and squeezed his hand whilst you thought about an answer.   
"No. John doesn't do hints, he always gives the tee" you laughed when Rick looked down at you quizzically.   
"Tee, the truth" you explained, Rick nodded and turned his attention back to the rings.   
"They're beautiful. Like you" he smiled, you rolled your eyes and felt your cheeks heat up slightly.   
"Shut up" you nudged his shoulder, causing him to laugh, before placing a gentle kiss to his cheek.   
"Love you" Rick smiled, kissing the top of your head.   
"Love you too" you grinned, bringing his hand to your lips and kissing his knuckles.   
"Now we just gotta decide what to do with these rings" Rick almost whispered, you nodded in agreement. 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt very sorry for Scott whilst writing this, not going to lie.


	10. Shade and Rivalry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan visits Alexandria, again, this time with Dwight; as y/n and Dwight talk about a recent event, Negan questions Rick about y/n.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are RuPaul references, because I was up all night writing this. So it's trash. I'm sorry.

When the gates of Alexandria opened, you half expected to see Moriarty's Gang, but you were more than shocked to find Negan stood with his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket, completely unarmed.   
"Mornin'" he greeted cheerily, you furrowed your brows at him and turned to see Rick almost running up to you with an unreadable expression across his lips.   
"Negan" you greeted, nodding curtly at him as you weren't about to scream and shout at him in public.   
"Rick, hi" Negan smiled when Rick rested his hand on the small of your back, his cerulean eyes were incandescent from how he saw how Negan smirked and winked at you.   
"Negan" Rick bowed his head and his eyes immediately watched you with precautionary possessiveness - which you certainly didn't mind, given the words that were exchanged between you and Negan during his last visit to Alexandria.   
"What are you doing here?" you asked, crossing your arms over your chest and staring Negan down.   
"I'm here once a week, y/n, you forget that?" he asked, you set your jaw and brought your hands to you sides, you were about to clock him in the jaw when Rick gently grabbed your hand and looked at you with pleading teal eyes, shaking his head as subtly as he could, you sighed and crossed your arms back over your chest.   
"Sorry, after you cheated on me, it's hard to tell what's bullshit and what's the truth" you shrugged, walking away, when you heard Dwight giggling from behind Negan. You snapped around and almost pushed Negan out of the way when he gently grabbed your wrist and turned you to face him, hickory eyes begging for you to just hear him out for a second.   
"Y/n just be civil with me for one fucking minute, would you?" he asked lowly, you saw Rick's eyes fill with hurt from how he noticed how close you and Negan were, you immediately pushed the Saviours' leader away and sighed, closing yourself off to him.   
"Fine. Go ahead" you said sternly, Negan sighed and turned to Dwight who gave a small shrug and egged him on with silvery eyes.   
"Y/n, I'm sorry I cheated on you, I won't try to justify my fucked up actions, or even try to fucking explain them, because what's the  _point_? You love Rick, that's fine, but can you please be civil with me? Y/n when I said I loved-"  
"Bullshit! You never fucking said you loved me, Negan" you hissed, not caring that you cut him off, Negan rolled his eyes and sighed before raising his eyebrows to ask for permission to continue.   
"As I was fucking saying, when I said I cared about-"  
"Never said that either" you growled, masking your hurt with anger, Negan said again and set his jaw.   
"When I said I liked your pussy, I meant it and-"  
"You also said you liked  _her_  pussy" you ground out, gritting your teeth together and restraining yourself from slapping him in the face.   
"You know what y/n? You're being real fucking difficult right now, and I do not like you talking to me like shit. You're lucky you're a woman, because otherwise you'd be fucking dead-"  
"Is that meant to scare me, Negan?" you laughed, Negan tilted his head to the side and made a low growling sound before leaning close to you and searching your eyes, his breath fanned across your lips when he opened his mouth to talk.   
"Oh how I wish that pretty little mouth of yours was wrapped around my cock instead of disrespecting me" his voice was hoarse and full of lust, which made you roll your eyes and control your urges to jump his bones.   
"And how I wish your pretty little mouth was full of bullets instead of telling me utter bullshit on the constant" you sassed back, walking past him and over to Dwight, who was stood with his mouth wide open but still smiling.   
"Don't keep your mouth open like that, D, you'll swallow flies, and some of Negan's bullshit" you patted his cheek, which caused him to laugh as he followed you over to the small bench you often sat at. 

* * *

"She never used to be that sarcastic and sassy" Negan grumbled, sitting on the sofa in the living room, Rick pulled himself out of his mind and cautiously sat with him.   
"Oh she's always been that way" Rick mumbled, Negan glared at him and watched as Rick cowered slightly.   
"Rick, if you don't fucking tell me, I'll break your fucking dick off so y/n can't suck on it" Negan growled, Rick seethed at the thought and swallowed the lump in his anxious throat before speaking.   
"Whenever someone pisses y/n off, she tends to get sarcastic and, in her own words, shady" Rick mumbled, fidgeting with his hands as his cyanic eyes concentrated on his beige carpeted floor.   
"Good to know. See, Rick, a little cooperation can go a long fucking way" Negan smirked and leaned back on the sofa, his feet resting on the coffee table triumphantly. 

* * *

"Oh my god! The way you threw shade at Negan was at Mama Ru level!" Dwight laughed, you chuckled and thought about how proud 'Mama Ru' would be.   
"Hey, Negan deserved it! Bitches shouldn't cheat if they can't handle the shade" you laughed, Dwight shook his head and yawned, you noticed the dark circles around his eyes then, and how he seemed to be overworked and exhausted.   
"D? You didn't sleep last night, did you?" you asked, caution and protectiveness coursing through your veins, Dwight waved his hand at you as another surge of protective anger coursed through your veins.   
"D, answer me" you growled, Dwight noticed your anger and sighed before explaining what Scott did and how he had stayed up all night comforting the younger Saviour.   
"He was so heartbroken y/n, it was like watching a child find out Santa isn't real. It was heartbreaking to watch him refuse to eat this morning, to watch him even refuse to talk anymore" Dwight let another yawn escape his mouth, and you noticed the way he seemed to drift out of conscientiousness for a moment before pulling himself back to reality.   
"Look, if you want, you can take a nap a mine and Rick's for a bit, get some rest" you offered, Dwight looked at the floor and sighed out before smiling up at you with his light slate eyes and thanked you before the two of you headed back to the house you shared with Rick and Carl. 

* * *

"Rick, look, I ain't gonna bullshit you any longer. I love y/n. I fucking love her" Negan's oak eyes met Rick's ultramarine ones, Rick said nothing, but simply stared at Negan in both disbelief and anger. 

 


	11. Broken Noses and Bruised Knuckles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick and y/n have a bit of fun on the sofa before Negan turns up.

“ Negan-”  
“I fucking love her” Negan sighed, holding his head in his hands before beginning to pace back and forth on the beige carpet. He hated it. Negan had never loved anyone since Lucille.

* * *

 

”Is Scott gonna be okay?” you asked, after hearing what the young Saviour did in your absence, you worried greatly for him. Although Scott was more than capable of looking after himself and surviving, you knew deep down that he was still vulnerable.    
“You know, I’m not sure” Dwight admitted; you felt guilty for leaving Moriarty’s Gang behind, but you were happy with Rick in Alexandria. You often thought of Negan, but not often enough that you would go back to him.   
“Bring him on your next visit, okay?” you loved Scott in the same way you loved John and Dean: as family. Dwight peeled a bit of flaking skin off his scar and looked at you worriedly, his cobalt-asphalt eyes searching your form for a sign, a clue.   
“You know, Negan hasn't slept since you've been gone - at least not properly. He sleeps about two hours a day, and even when he’s asleep he calls for you” Dwight sighed heavily and regretted saying the words, but if it meant you would at least be civil with Negan, then he was willing to do anything.   
“You want me to be civil with him, D? You want me to be civil with the son of a bitch who cheated on me?” you calmly questioned; if Dwight wanted you to be civil then you would - for the sake of sanity.   
“Yes. Just for today, please?”   
“Fine.”

* * *

”Honey! I’m home” you called, entering the living room; Negan had gone back to the Sanctuary, Dwight was asleep up the stairs, and Rick was sat on the sofa as you walked in.  
“He said he loves you” Rick sighed, you sat beside him and took his hand in yours with a gentle squeeze.   
“Hey. You're my one and only, Rick. John didn't give us those rings for nothing. He knows we belong” you reassured, squeezing his hand again before placing a chaste kiss to Rick’s lips.   
“But what if Negan-”  
“I’ll handle that. Now, how about a treat?” you cooed, wiggling your way between Rick’s legs.   
“Oh, fuck y/n” Rick growled lustfully, but he pulled you up so that you were now straddling him; you could feel the growing bulge in his pants on your inner thigh as you rocked your hips eagerly.   
“Fuck me Rick, please” you begged, pulling his shirt over his head and flinging it across the room; Rick quickly yanked the plaid shirt you were wearing open and he flung it aside before you helped him undo his belt.   
“You want me?” Rick asked, gliding your bra off of your skin before taking one of your nipples in his warm mouth; his tongue working tortuous laps on the nub, not even faltering for a second when you called out his name in a whispered prayer.   
“Fuck, yes!” you yelped, Rick grinned against your bare breast and slowly worked your jeans and panties off of you, his hands rested on your bare waist as you did your best to help him spring his rock hard length free.   
“Oh fuck me, daddy” you pleaded, gliding Rick into your dripping wet core before rocking your hips until you and Rick found a rhythm; your hands latched onto Rick’s chest as his stayed still on your waist, Rick’s mouth settled on your neck as he began to leave toxic erotic hickeys on your delicate skin.   
“Call me ‘daddy’ again, baby girl” Rick ordered, thrusting his hips up into you; sending sparks through your body that had you nearing your release, Rick began to breathe heavily as your name left his soft lips.   
“I love you daddy” you mewled, your voice unable to make a noise as Rick kept driving you over the edge.   
“Y/n” Rick dominantly captured your lips with his, sending you into the abyss as you clenched around him and as he spilled his seed inside you.

* * *

”Hey, I just- JESUS FUCKING - HOLY FUCK!” Negan was mortified to see you and Rick on the sofa, bodies intertwined, stark naked with Rick still inside of you.   
“Negan, fuck off and take that oversized ego with you” you sleepily mumbled fidgeting on top of Rick before falling back asleep.   
“Babe, Negan ain’t here” Rick mumbled, placing a lazy kiss to the top of your head and yawning.   
“Morning sleeping fucking beauty” Negan grinned, startling Rick out of his mind.   
“Negan, I told you to get the  _ fuck _ out” you groggily got up and pulled your clothes back on, Negan turned away until you were fully dressed.   
“The only reason I’m here is because Dwight isn't at the Sanctuary and you were the last person to speak to him, so-”  
“He’s fucking sleeping, you ass. He’ll be at the Sanctuary when  _ I  _ feel he’s gotten enough sleep” you growled, by now Rick had gotten dressed and was standing beside you with a hand on your waist.   
“You don't get to fucking speak to me like that,  _ princess _ ” Negan clenched his jaw and stared down at you with steely hazel eyes.   
“What’re you gonna do about it?” you mocked, firmly standing your ground; Rick swallowed thickly and his grip on your waist only grew.   
“Y/n, just let him take Dwight back” Rick urged, desperate to keep the peace.  
“Listen to lover boy, y/n” Negan cockily grinned; you couldn't help yourself and before Rick could stop you, you decked Negan - right in the nose.   
“Ah! Fuck!” Negan exclaimed, wiping the raining blood from his nose and growling lowly.   
“Should've shut your fucking mouth” you hissed, turning around and walking away - Rick didn't follow you, instead he helped Negan over to the medics’ house.

* * *

”She fucking decked you?” Dean gasped between laughs, when Negan got back to the Sanctuary, with Dwight, he held a meeting between himself and Moriarty’s Gang. Once he explained what had happened, none of the Gang could stop laughing - Dean especially.   
“Yes! She broke my fucking nose too” Negan whined, a small glint of pride laced within his voice as he spoke; he was proud that you could throw such a punch, but he would never admit it.  
“Well, it does kinda serve you right” Scott shrugged, he knew that you were in a difficult place - just as he was- and that Negan showing up after a heated night with Rick was probably the  _ last  _ thing you needed.   
“I’m so proud of ‘er” John wiped a tear from laughing away and leaned back so that his back was against the wall.   
“It’s not fucking funny” Negan growled, his grip on Lucille tightening so that his knuckles turned whiter than cigarette filters and his chest heaved.  
“Really? You, mighty Negan, the big bad wolf, got decked in the face, and got his nose broke, by y/n, a woman younger than him by a few years, shorter than him,  _ and  _ less powerful than him. It’s fucking hilarious!” Dean leaned forward and clutched his sides, trying to control his laughter but completely failing as the loud, almost braying noise, escaped his throat as he struggled for air between laughs.

* * *

”Are you okay?” Rick asked attentively, your knuckles were badly bruised from punching Negan and breaking his nose, but other than that, you felt relieved.   
“Yeah. Negan’s a nice guy, but sometimes it just gets too much and he just seems like a fucking asshole” you sighed, although Negan had treated you  _ more  _ than well, he still cheated. You thought he was yours, but you guessed you were wrong. However, now you had Rick, someone who  _ truly  _ loved you and would  _ never  _ cheat.   
“You threw a good punch, y’know. John would be proud, Michonne and Carl, too” Rick chuckled at that, knowing that once word got around, you would probably be receiving flowers and gifts from the likes of Jesus, Ezekiel, and anyone else who Negan was a tyrant to.    
“Oh god, don’t encourage me” you chuckled, turning to look at the door frame, where Carl was leant with a proud smile.    
“Sup, kid?” you teased, reaching your free hand out to him as Rick wrapped up your bruised hand to keep it from further damage.    
“Sup, y/n” Carl sat beside you and smirked when you waggled your eyebrows at him whilst Rick focused on making sure that your hand was wrapped enough to prevent you from cutting your knuckles open or breaking them if you punched someone again.    
“I’m guessing you heard already huh?” you nudged the young Grimes by the shoulder and smirked when he stifled a laugh.    
“Yeah, you fucking-”   
“ _LANGUAGE!_ ” Rick scolded, Carl rolled his eyes and you let out a giggle.    
“You broke Negan’s nose” Carl’s tone made it sound as if you were a superhero, which made you a  _ little  _ glad that you did punch Negan.    
“Well, y’know, a woman’s gotta do what a woman’s gotta do” you shrugged; once Rick was  _ finally  _ done mummifying your hand, he sat on the floor between your legs and sighed contentedly.    
“What’re you gonna do if he comes back though?” Carl inquired, for a teenager, he was still oddly curious - but he was fiery and courageous as well.    
“I’m gonna try to sort things out” you said honestly, causing both Grimes men to look at you with wide, cobalt eyes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this one's a bit short, tell me your thoughts.


	12. Negotiations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/n and Negan actually agree on something.

“Oh thank fuck you’re dressed this time” Negan sighed, wiping a hand down his face and licking his lips; you watched curiously as he strode around Alexandria. It had been a week since you broke his nose, and you noticed the small white bandage that sat across the bridge of his nose.   
“I want to negotiate a peace” you held yourself strong, despite the overwhelming urge to do things that only Prince would sing about. Negan looked at you curiously before slowly nodding and raising his eyebrows at you - indicating that he wanted you to speak.   
“So, you leave me the fuck alone, you leave Alexandria the fuck alone - and in return I won’t break the dick on your head” you shrugged, Negan laughed and shook his head before sitting down on the steps of one of the empty houses.   
“Fiery today, huh, y/n? Well, let me tell you this, princess. You know better than I do that that ain’t never gonna happen, I can’t just fuck off and leave you alone when I’m so madly in love with you - the fucking Hank Williams way, not the fucking George Michael way. Look, I get it, you’re with Rick Grimes now - not that I can see why, but whatever floats your boat - you want me out of the picture like a shitty ex-husband. Fine. But this community? It fucking belongs to the Saviours, it belongs to me. Y/n, princess, you gotta understand that you have no power - not even when you’re fucking Rick Grimes. Besides, why would I give up my only hope of seeing you once a week? I won't fuck off, y/n, not when there's still a chance to win you-”  
“I am not a fucking prize to be won, Negan!” you didn’t care that you interrupted him, you couldn’t stand the sound of him saying that he could “win” you back - like a carnival prize,  something of so little value that a child could hold possession of it by doing something as simple as pulling a rubber duck out of a small swimming pool.   
“Woah there Miss ‘I’m Fucking Rick Grimes’, I never said you were a prize to be won - I simply fucking said that I just want to win you back. I’m sorry if I objectified you, y/n, but fuck me you just drive me bat shit crazy. Now I know you’re good friends with Dwight, John, Dean and Scotty, but you gotta understand that they are my men - they’re Saviours, not fucking Alexandrians or whatever the fuck you call yourselves here. Y/n, I fucking love you, honestly, truly, I do, but no matter how much I fucking love you, I will never be willing to sacrifice the Saviours’ work - their mother fucking lives - for shit.” his hazel eyes bore into you, and you could feel the rising tension - both sexual and otherwise - in your bones. Was Negan actually in love with you? Or was this just him trying to manipulate you?   
“Fuck. You” was all you could bring yourself to say before you stormed away, careful not to let the tears fall, and went to find Rick. 

"What happened?" Rick asked, seeing the dew in your eyes.   
"Negan. He... He said that he loves me. Rick, I'm not sure what to say to that." you flung yourself into Rick's arms and sobbed. You didn't doubt your love for Rick, not by a long shot, but you still had a small inkling that maybe you did feel something for Negan - even now, after weeks of trying to move on, to forget him and what he did. You still wanted to be with him.   
"Y-you don't love him still, do you?" Rick asked, anxiety flooding his voice and his beautiful cyan eyes. How were you to answer that? After all you and Rick had been through, even before the apocalypse, you couldn't just throw it away and run back to Negan - the very man who had cheated on you - could you?   
"No" you shook your head, unsure of what you felt. Was it love? Or was it the idea of love?   
"I love you, y/n" Rick whispered, putting one hand at the back of your head to pull you in for another embrace, you gripped onto his shirt right between his shoulder blades and sighed heavily as his other hand snaked onto your back to rub it gently and reassuringly.  
"I love you too, Rick" you mumbled into his shoulder, you closed your eyes and inhaled Rick's scent: grass after rain, the very scent you had loved for so long. 

"Got your shit together, or are you gonna run off again?" Negan growled, still sat on the step he had sat on, you joined him and sighed deeply.   
"You got a cigarette on you?" you asked, Negan smirked and produced a almost fully in tact cigarette from his pocket, you put it in your mouth and waited for him to light it before relaxing slightly and staring out at the scene before you: Michonne practicing with her katanas and Carl practicing various weapons - probably to get his skill level up to the point where he was as good, if not better, than anyone with two eyes.   
'How often do you smoke, y/n?" Negan asked, trying to steer the conversation into a different direction from where he knew it was headed. You took a drag.   
"Only at night. When Rick's asleep, I sneak out and have one or two at about three in the morning. But we ain't here to talk about my habits, Negan, we're here to sort this mess you made out" you growled; in all fairness, it was Negan's fault everything had started, as he was the one who cheated.   
"I get it, y/n. I fucked up, I royally fucked up. Just... Tell me what I can do to win you over" he pleaded, you took another drag and shook your head before letting out a sigh that was so long you almost felt your lungs shrink inside of you.   
"You can't. But we gotta be civil, for Dwight, Dean, John and Scott. They can't stand the constant fighting, and if I'm honest, neither can I" you admitted, Negan looked at you sadly before nodding. You stubbed out the cigarette.   
"Well, fuck, y/n. What do we do?" he asked, hooded oak eyes flicking over to you for a brief moment before they landed on John, who was striding towards you.   
"Father-ed one! What are you doing here?" you grinned, pulling the cockney doctor into an embrace and sitting down with him between you and Negan.   
"I'm the third party, love. Gotta make sure whatever you two agree on benefits all of us involved" John smiled kindly, you nodded and gave him the run-down of what you and Negan had already discussed.   
"So, what do we do?" you asked, trying not to shudder as you quoted Negan, who was listening intently.   
"Well... For one, you two can stop screamin' at each other ev'ry five minutes, that'd work. Maybe... Nah" John shook his head and ran a hand through his incredibly dark hair.   
"Tell us" you urged, eager to try anything that would help create a peace.   
"Alright, so when me and my brother weren't gettin' along, our ma used to tie us together with a bit o' rope-"  
"We sure as shit ain't doing that" Negan protested, but was quieted by you slapping his arm.   
"Alright. Fair enough, what do you 'ave in mind?" John asked, Negan looked away before turning back to you and John.   
"What if every time I visit Alexandria, y/n has to stay inside?" he proposed, you scoffed.   
"Fucking bullshit! How does that benefit me? And what if I'm teaching Carl something outside, huh?" you challenged, Negan sighed and rolled his eyes.   
"Draft a contract. A treaty, if you must. Me, Dean, Dwight, Scott, Rick, Jesus, and you two'll come up with rules, and we'll all sign it. 'Ow does that sound?" John raised his eyebrows and you and Negan both slowly nodded.   
"Great. I'll run it by ev'ryone and then you two can sign it.


	13. Making A Treaty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/n and Negan create the treaty that will change everything.

"Okay, each contributin' member of this treaty has to draft up their bit alone. No-one else can be in the same room, got it?" John ordered as he handed around paper and pens for Paul, or Jesus as he was called most of the time, Dean, Scott, Dwight, Rick and himself; you and Negan wouldn't get yours until everyone else had done their own. Everyone who was a part of the treaty (The 'Treaty of Shade' as it was called) had gathered in Alexandria, and two different houses were emptied for the day so that each member who contributed had their own space.   
"Got it" Paul nodded; the first four people (two per house) were himself, Dean, Rick and Dwight.   
"Alright" the other three agreed and the four men headed off to the two houses to settle down and draft up their sections of the treaty.

Paul sat at the kitchen table and began to carefully write out what rules he thought were best fit. He began to write that you and Negan weren't allowed to be armed near one another, and that neither could taunt the other.  He then wrote down, with the most coherent handwriting he could muster, that the two shouldn't be allowed alone together.

Dean sat on the floor in the empty master bedroom and wrote that during the conflict between Alexandria and the Saviours, neither you or Negan could fight one another, and that during said conflict, neither could kill or harm someone that either you or Negan cared about. He pondered, if only for a moment, if it was really worth it - both the conflict and the treaty, as both seemed pointless to him; then he wondered whether or not anything was worth it: John, the Saviours, living. Before his existential revelation, Dean had signed his section of the treaty and rested his head in his hands. Was everything worth the price?

Rick knew he couldn't be biased toward his relationship with you, and so he simply wrote one thing: Negan wasn't allowed to be armed bear you. Anything else, Rick feared, that he wrote would be biased and not very stoic either. He wandered around the living room of the second empty house and tried to think of something better, but his mind was still clouded over with you.

Dwight sat in the kitchen in the same house as Rick, and he could hear the leader'a footsteps shuffle back and forth as he paced. The pacing gave a soft, comforting rhythm to Dwight and allowed him to think. He wrote down that you and Negan shouldn't be allowed to be alone together, and that neither of you were to be left around each other during the inevitable conflict between the Saviours and Alexandria.

"Here ya go" Dean had collected all the papers together, each one stuffed in its own envelope so that no one could see the contents, and handed them to John.   
"Okay, Dean you keep an eye on the agreements thus far. Scott, you're with me whilst we sort ours out" John tilted his head to the house that Paul and Dean had come from and lead the ginger Saviour into the kitchen.

John quickly wrote his terms and conditions before heading back to the group, Scott following after him with quick but careful steps.  
"All done" John announced, clapping his hands before gathering the envelopes, stuffing them in his pocket.

"Fuck, if this treaty goes through then I'll be fucking fucked!" Negan exclaimed, sighing deeply and gazing at the ashtray on his desk that he had gotten for you. He remembered that you liked to smoke when you were stressed, as it calmed your nerves, even though you detested it.   
"I've got to be in the room where it happens, the room where it happens, the room where it happens"  one Saviour, Negan wasn't sure who it was, sang quietly to their self  as they strolled past. Gritting his teeth, Negan got up from behind his desk and strode out into the hallway with the intention of clearing his head, but instead he found himself walking around the Sanctuary with his hands stuffed in his pockets and his eyes cast down to the floor. He had to make sure the treaty didn't go through. He needed to make sure of it.

"None of this is beneficial" you told John after you had looked over the treaty, your eyes finding his with a pleading honesty.   
"Y/n, you were the one who wanted to make the thing" he said calmly, his cockney accent oddly soothing to you.   
"I know, but it just doesn't seem right" you told him, John nodded and brought you in for a bear hug.   
"Then we'll make another. This time, no-one else will contribute" John smiled hopefully and you nodded; only you and Negan could make the 'new' treaty, and only you and Negan could know what was in it. 

"Bullshit!" Negan spat, John had sat you and Negan down at a table in Alexandria with some paper and two pens. You had yet to run over the improved treaty, but already, Negan hated it.   
"Bullshit?! You wanted to be in the fucking room where it happens, Negan, so fucking get rid of that ego of yours and start making some damn decisions" you argued, Negan slumped into his chair and scowled with an icy grumble.   
"Fine. Run it by me" he mumbled, like a small child whose parents had not given them what they wanted.   
"Alright. So, me and you can't argue. You can't flirt with me, I can't flirt back, not that I would. You and I can't be in the same part of Alexandria or the Sanctuary at the same time, so I gotta be on one end and you gotta be at the other. We can't be armed near each other. You can't use Rick against me and you can't use me against Rick. We can't talk about our past to each other, can't talk about it to others. Most importantly, I can't fight you, and you can't fight me" you told him, Negan nodded in agreement.   
"Sound" John smiled, clapping his hands and sighing deeply.   
With that, the treaty was made.   
With that, you and Negan were no longer tied.


	14. Stay Alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/n, John, Dean, Scott and Dwight go on a supply run together, and things become... Unfortunate.

Rick was hesitant to let you go, but after almost a full hour of you practically begging for him to let you, he caved. You knew the risks of going on a supply run with John, Dean and Scott; but at the end of the day, they were your only family, so of course you wanted to go with them.  
"Somethin' on your mind?" John asked softly as you walked through the open field; John had invited you on the supply run simply to spend time with you, as well as Dean and Scott - as an almost whole family again.   
"Not really, just basking in spending time with you lot" you nudged him and smiled happily; you always used to go on supply runs with Moriarty's Gang, and in truth, you missed it.   
"'Ow are things?" he asked, watching with a fed up look as Dean and Scott pushed and play fought together - something they only did on supply runs.   
"Oddly great, I mean, since the treaty, they've improved. Rick's a lot more relaxed, as am I, he needs a break" you told him, tutting when Dean threw Scott over his shoulder and ran over to you and John; the treaty had been in action for almost a week, and things between you and Rick couldn't have been better.   
"Guys, I can see Dwight's bike. We best hurry up" Dean panted, dropping Scott onto the floor - a loud 'oomph' escaped the ginger's mouth and you laughed - and jogging back across the field, you, John and Scott jogged behind him until you all stood in front of Dwight's bike and gaped. 

Walkers surrounded the abandoned harbour, the chain link fence only just held them back from you; Dwight crawled towards you and looked up at you with pained eyes.   
"Are you bit?" you asked, helping him to his feet; John checked him for any bite marks and shook his head, but even though he wasn't bitten, Dwight was bleeding. Badly.   
"S-shot" he gasped out, groaning in pain as Dean took him from you and began to run through the field, you, Scott and John hot on his heels. 

That's when you felt it. 

A pain tore through your back you fell to the ground, clutching it in agony as blood spewed out from the small of your back; you tried to crawl but you couldn't move. You could feel your death creeping upon you.   
"Y/N!" the distant, distorted voice of Scott rang out like an ambulance siren. You had pondered what death would be like; would there be a beat? A melody?   
No.   
You could hear nothing. You felt nothing. You saw nothing. 

* * *

 

"What happened?!" Rick burst through the medical wing of the Sanctuary, as it was closer to the field than Alexandria, John looked guilty and was weeping.   
"We brought her in a half hour ago. She lost a lot of blood on the way in" John almost sobbed, trying to stay calm as the doctors Negan had gathered worked on you.   
"Is she alive?" Rick cried, feeling tears dig trenches on his cheeks, his azure eyes gleaming, his voice trembling. John didn't answer.   
"Yes" Scott answered solemnly, his emerald eyes just as dewy and foggy as Rick's; his hair was ragged and matted from blood. Scott hoped you would stay alive. So did Rick. John wanted you to live more than anything. Dean and Dwight were in the other part of the medical wing, where the beds were kept.   
"Can I see her, please?" Rick held onto John's shirt tightly, the cockney doctor swallowed thickly and nodded, leading the way. 

* * *

 

"Y/n" Rick whispered, clutching onto your almost lifeless hand. You knew you wouldn't last long, but you were glad that Rick was going to be the final face you saw.   
"R-Rick" you coughed, weak from blood loss, eyes foggy and unfocused, "I wish I had listened to you, Rick, I love you. I love you so much, Rick. I love you"  
"I know, I know, I love you too, y/n" Rick kept his tears behind bars, despite their violent protests.   
"I tried to crawl, I did everything I could" your voice grew weaker with each syllable, and you wanted to tell Rick how much you loved him. How much you cherished him.   
"I know, I know. You did everything just right"  Rick didn't want to lose you, he wanted you by his side until the very end. He wanted you to go out fighting alongside him.   
"I-I tried to do what you would, Rick. I love you" you whispered, a shaky sigh escaping your lips.  
"I know, save your strength and stay alive" Rick couldn't keep his tears back any longer. Negan walked into the room, shoulders slumped and hickory eyes ablaze with tears.   
"Negan!" Rick gasped, Negan shook his head and sat down on the other side of the bed, gently taking your other hand.   
"Is she breathing, is she going to survive this?" Negan asked, voice just as woeful as Rick's.   
"Stay alive, y/n" Rick whispered, giving Negan a look that was void of hope.   
"Who did this, Rick, did you know?" Negan cried, Rick shook his head and let the tears fall and he looked down at you. You were watching them with dewy eyes.   
"Negan, I'm so sorry for forgetting what you taught me" you whispered, your voice breaking.   
"Y/n" Negan placed a finger to your lips to try and silence you and get you to save your strength.   
"We practised how to survive things like this" you croaked, Negan closed his eyes and let a few poisonous teardrops fall from his eyes.   
"I taught you things like this" he echoed, he was whispering but in the deafening silence of the room, you could hear him.   
"You would put your lips on mine" you turned to Rick with a guilty look and a small sob. Rick simply nodded at you and gave you a hopeful smile.   
"You changed the situation every time" Negan swallowed thickly, bringing your hand up to his face and leaning against your touch.   
"I would always change the scene" you laughed weakly, knowing that you didn't have a lot of time left.   
"Shh, I know, I know" he reassured, giving Rick a nod. They knew you wouldn't last.   
"I would always change the scene" you whispered, tears falling quickly as you remembered how Negan would teach you how to survive in different situations; you always changed it, whenever he said about a warehouse, you would change it to a house, when he said about a knife, you would swap it for a gun.   
"I know, I know" Rick and Negan echoed in unison, trying to get you to rest and save your strength.   
"One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine" Negan counted, an attempt to get you to sleep.   
"One, two, three four, five six, seven, eight, nine" you were almost silent. Rick looked down and choked back a sob.   
"Good, stay with me" Negan sniffled, feeling your hands become limp, just as Rick did.   
"One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine" Rick and Negan said in unison, Rick stroked back your hair and Negan rubbed circles onto your knuckles.   
"One, two, three, four, five, six..." you fell silent. All touched limp.   
"Seven, eight, nine" Rick and Negan whispered, sharing a teary hug. They had lost you.   
"Seven, eight..." Negan cried, Rick sobbed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I basically ripped off 'Stay Alive (Reprise)' for this, but that's because I had to.


	15. Alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/n begins to recover, and has thoughts about Negan

Rick thought you died. He didn't eat. He didn't sleep. He only stared at the wall and cried. Michonne, Carl, Dwight, John, Scott, Dean, even _Negan_ tried to help. Rick felt a hole in his heart.   
"I got good news and bad news" Dean whispered, knocking gently on Rick's door and entering; Rick looked up at him, a shell of who he was before what had happened to you, and a spark of hope went off.   
"What's the good news?" Rick asked, his voice hoarse from where he had not used it for three days straight; Dean perched on the edge of Rick's bed and held his head in his hands.   
"She's alive" Dean almost smiled, but the bad news weighing on his shoulders prevented him from doing so.   
"What's the bad news?" Rick whispered, pacing about the room as a feeling of total powerlessness washed over him in tsunamis.   
"She has to stay in the Sanctuary, until the doctors are sure she's okay" Dean knew the news was bound to shatter Rick.   
"Why can't she come back here?" Rick questioned, his mind telling him that it was just a scheme of Negan's to have you near him again. But his heart told him you were better off at the Sanctuary, where actual doctors - like John - could take care of you.   
"She's not strong enough" Dean told him, standing up and hugging Rick, "I know you miss her, but at least she's alive, and at least you can visit her. Negan gave me specific orders to ensure you're allowed to visit."   
"Thanks, Dean" Rick whispered, clinging onto the Welshman's shirt and crying tears of relief. You were alive. You were going to be okay. That's all that mattered to Rick. 

"How you feeling?" Negan asked, he hadn't left your bedside for days, and had catered to your every need - you enjoyed being waited on, hand and foot.   
"Like I wanna go back to my boyfriend" you quipped, the same response you had given every single day.   
"You know what the doctors have said" Negan gave you a soft smile and you enjoyed that side of him; the kind, caring side that he had never showed anyone else. Not even Scott.   
"How's Dwight, I haven't seen him since..." you trailed off; you knew Dwight had been shot in the leg, but you didn't know how he was, and it scared you. It scared you more than dying ever had. Dwight was your family, and not knowing if he was okay was like not knowing if your brother was okay.   
"He's okay. His leg's pretty fucked up, but he's okay" Negan nodded, bringing a glass of water to your lips and holding it there until you were done. He placed it back on the tray beside him that was leaning on the arm of the chair he was sat on.   
"Does he know that I'm-"  
"He knows you're okay. So does Rick. I sent Dean out to tell them" you smiled at Negan and thanked him.

"Oh thank god you're alive!" Paul gasped, giving you a brief hug and sighing deeply but happily. As your friend, he was glad you were okay; as your ally, he was over the moon.

"Hey" Dwight leaned against your doorway, a makeshift crutch holding him upright; you felt terrible for him, he didn't deserve to have any more scars than he already had.   
"Hey yourself" you beckoned him over and he obliged, sitting down on the edge of your bed with a heavy sigh as he rested his crutch against his 'good' leg.   
"How you holding up?" he asked, feeling guilt sling out his guts and throw them this way and that for letting you get close enough so that that bastard could shoot you - whoever that bastard was.   
"Better. You?" you asked, you still had to stay in bed due to your injured back - which the doctors told you would take a while. John wasn't allowed to work as your doctor, despite being the best in all of the communities, due to his bias toward you.   
"Like shit" he answered truthfully, he admitted that he felt guilty and you did your best to comfort him but you knew there was nothing you could do except let him realise it for himself.   
"I know Negan hates it when you do, but..." he trailed off and looked around before smirking at you and bringing out a packet of cigarettes, "Want one?" he asked, you took a cigarette from the packet and thanked him when he lit it for you.   
"No-one gets me like you do sometimes" you smiled at Dwight, who was like a brother to you, before taking a needy drag and puffing out the smoke as much as you could.   
"That's because I," he paused dramatically, "am a genius." You scoffed at that and shook your head. You took another drag and allowed Dwight to finish his cigarette before the two of you began talking again. 

"Alright?" Negan smiled sweetly, he was carrying a pair of clothes and looked as if he had been awake for weeks.   
"Yeah" you replied, taking the clothes from his hands and scooting over on the single bed so that he could sit down; he huffed and stretched out as much as he could on the small bed, his hand automatically rested on your thigh and you did everything in your power to push the memories that that hand had caused away... The feeling of it... The teasing he had done with it... The way it used to have you calling out his name so much that your voice had went hoarse and-   
"Y/n?" You were snapped out of your thoughts and turned to Negan, blushing a dark garnet, which made him chuckle lowly.   
"Sorry, I was lost in my thoughts" you told him, chewing on your lip sheepishly.   
"It's okay. I said, the doctors said you can go home soon" he smiled gently, but you could see the rebellious tears in his eyes, threatening to overthrow his guard and start a revolution.   
"Really? T-that's great!" you tried not to cry, you knew not why, but you had an inkling that it was because Negan had treated you so well over the time that you were at the Sanctuary recovering. Did you have feelings for Negan, even after all he did, after all the pain he caused? 


	16. Home?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/n begins to doubt certain aspects of her life; Rick makes a big leap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on my phone so forgive me.

Rick had picked you up, a day after Negan told you that you could go back to Alexandria; when you saw the ex-sheriff, your heart skipped a beat and a warm feeling washed over you, but when you looked at Negan, the exact same happened. You tried to rein in your thoughts, you were in love with Rick - who treated you like a queen, who was there for you, who would never cheat on you - not Negan - who did also treat you like a queen, who was also there for you, but had cheated on you. Your family - John, Dean, Dwight, and Scott - were all the Sanctuary, the man who had taken care of you since you had been shot was there, but Rick, Carl, and Judith were all at Alexandria. You were torn. Where was your home? Did you even have a home? Did you have feelings for Negan? Were you going to give Rick up for Negan? Were you even going to tell Rick about your inner conflict? You wanted to weep, you weren't brave enough to tell Rick, you were just going to waste your time on fixing your conflicts in your own head. No-one needed to know. Rick, especially, didn't need to know.  

"Hey, are you okay?" Rick asked when you got to Alexandria, you were resting on the bed the two of you shared and you didn't want to tell him the truth.   
"Yeah, just a bit drowsy" you replied, lying as best as you could, but you had an inkling that he knew that you weren't telling him. Rick smiled gently and kissed the top of your head, laying the duvet on top of you and casting his azure eyes over to the lamp in the corner of the room. Something clicked in his pretty little head.   
"Get some sleep, I'll be downstairs. I love you" he told you, fiddling with something in his pocket. He seemed anxious. Was he hiding something?   
"Love you too" you yawned, turning onto your side once he had left and sighing, your hand glided beneath the multitude of pillows until you felt the bite of cold metal. Your hand blindly felt the clump of metal until you realised what it was: one of the rings John had given you. Was Rick going to propose? What if he was? Were you going to say yes? No? Maybe? 

Thoughts flooded your mind until you eventually tired yourself out and passed out, dreams and nightmares of what would happen haunting your brain. 

When you woke up, it was dark out, and Rick was still downstairs. You went to seek him, remembering to take the ring with you.   
"Rick" you looked at him as he was sat on the sofa, his cyan eyes zoned out, deep in thought. How long had he been like this?   
"Hey, Rick" you hesitated but figured the best way to pull him out of his trance was to kiss his cheek. A simple gesture that the two of you had done countless times, but somehow, it felt wrong.   
"Y/n" he smiled, clearly he had been thinking about something pleasant, but his hand flew into his pocket again and began to fiddle with the same thing he was earlier. He was like Smeagle, or Frodo, with the One Ring.   
"What's up?" you asked, gently pulling his hand out of his pocket and holding it tightly. Rick sighed and shut his beautiful cobalt eyes away for a moment.   
"Y/n, I was so worried about you... I thought you died! But... I don't know how to say this" his hand retreated from yours and he opened its clam to show the pearl; the ring John had given. Rick continued, "Y/n, will you marry me?" Your heart sank. You didn't know what to do. You didn't know what you wanted, who you wanted.   
"Rick... I'm so, so, sorry, baby, but I can't." you admitted, getting up and walking away from Rick as tears threatened to spill from your eyes; Rick thought you needed time to think, to clear your head, to heal.

Was your home with Rick Grimes? Was it in Alexandria? Or was it with John, Dean, Dwight and Scott? Was it with, of all people, Negan? Or were you simply cursed to not have a home any longer?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is purposely short, just to keep you on edge ;)


	17. Four Wise Men

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/n seeks the help and guidance of Moriarty's Gang

After your rejection of Rick's proposal, you went to seek out the four people who you knew would help you: John, Dean, Scott and Dwight. Four not-so-wise wise men. You had all gone to a small grassy clearing that you all knew was safe; the bramble bushes were nearly fifteen foot high, ten feet in width, and could only be scaled by living human life; the bushes made a fence that was perfect to hide and protect five people, and the small area inside made it the greatest place for confidential conversation. Sitting in a circle, smoking cigarettes like teenagers at school who were afraid of being caught by a teacher, with a couple bottles of whiskey in the middle to share - just like kids at the park getting drunk so their parents wouldn't find out.   
"Pass me the lighter" you held your hands up and caught the pink lighter with white floral patterns when Dwight threw it over to you; none of you had store-bought cigarettes, as they were hard to come by, so instead you all had hand-rolled ones - courtesy of the secret tobacco patch that grew in Hilltop, and thankfully, Rizla and filters were easy to come by - almost as common as the undead themselves. You lit your cigarette, took a drag, swigged some whiskey, and sighed.   
"So, what did you need?" Dean asked, taking a drag of his own cigarette and knocking back a swig of whiskey; he cringed when the alcohol clawed down his throat, causing the rest of Moriarty's Gang to laugh.   
"Well, I thought I'd seek out the advice of four wise men" you winked, Scott scoffed and mumbled something along the lines of, "You obviously chose the wrong group of people."   
"Let me see," Dean paused, thinking himself rather like Sherlock Holmes when he was only going to state the obvious, "You're doubting your relationship with Rick after Negan took care of you at the Sanctuary. You called us because we're your only family, you wanted the cigarettes to relax and you wanted the whiskey so that you can cheer up."   
"Well done, Sherlock. Rick proposed" you told them, surprise painted their faces and you gave John a sad look before adding, "I said no."   
"WHAT?! Why?!" John exclaimed, not even caring that he almost spilled the whiskey that was right next to him, his dark eyes bore into yours and his raven eyebrows furrowed; John was an incredibly smart man, but he didn't understand how you could say no to Rick Grimes - how you could throw away his unconditional love and affection.   
"I don't know! I love him, I think... But I think I still have feelings for Negan, and I don't wanna hurt either of them, but I don't wanna be with somebody just to keep them happy. I don't want this to end badly" you sighed, John smiled sympathetically, Dwight nodded, Dean held back his fury at the thought of what had happened between you and Negan repeating itself, Scott sipped some whiskey and tried to calm his own feelings.   
"Let 'em fight it out" Dean grumbled, drunk from his share of the whiskey. The first wise man, bearing his gift of violence.   
"Just try and sort through your feelings towards both of them" Dwight didn't particularly like drinking, and so didn't touch the whiskey, making him the most sober. The second wise man, bearing his gift of understanding.   
"No, no, no. You have to let them prove who is more worthy of you, y/n, let them prove who loves you" Scott offered, trying not to sound as if he was objectifying you, but in his squiffy state, he did. The third wise man, bearing his gift of the incorrect words.   
"Y/n, we can't tell you what to do. You gotta work through this on your own, it's your choice to make, not ours. We can't tell you what to do, we can't control your feelings. They're your thoughts, your feelings. Y/n, as much as I'd love to see you married, I only want you to be 'appy. You're me daughter, and we all only want what's best for you." John concluded. The fourth wise man, bearing the gift of intelligence.   
"Thanks guys" you smiled honestly and lit another cigarette before downing the rest of the whiskey. It wouldn't get you drunk, but you needed the relief it gave.   
"We best be gettin' back. You gonna be okay 'ere?" John asked, kissing your forehead and smiling down at you with pained eyes. He only wanted you to be happy, to be loved and cherished - just like most fathers wanted for their daughters; John had never had a child, but he was glad he had you as a surrogate.   
"Yeah, love you dad" you grinned, John's eyes filled with a proud glint and he replied with, "Love you too daughter." Like any father, John felt guilty for leaving you in the clearing, but he didn't want Negan to find out any of you were there, which meant having to leave you behind; he knew what he had to do, he had to tell Rick Grimes where you were in hopes that he would help you home and keep an eye out for you.

"I gotta be fucking dreaming" you grumbled, you had downed pretty much both bottles of whiskey - which were three quarters full, each, when Moriarty's Gang left- and were almost drunk. You were laid with one arm folded behind your head, and the other holding a cigarette as you stared at the late afternoon sky; cobalt, like Rick's eyes.   
"Afraid not. Y/n, I understand why you said no. I get it. I don't hate you, or love you any less" Rick laid beside you, draping his arms across his stomach and staring up at the scalding azure sky. No clouds. Just golden pit of heat that was the sky, yawning heat and light.   
"I don't wanna talk about that..." you trailed off, feeling light headed as you sat up and stared at Rick; his cyan eyes looked at you with a loving melancholy. Your eyes were simply filled of cloudy intoxicated woe.   
"Fair enough," he nodded, sitting up and smiling gently, attempting to hide his mournful feelings with a soft mask, "What do you wanna talk about?"  
"Do you remember when we used to go up to the park when we were fifteen?" You asked, a fondness replacing your marks of woe as you reminisced that time spent with Rick.   
"Yeah, you used to steal booze from your parents, I did the same, and we would mix it and get as drunk as we could," he chuckled before continuing, "You got so drunk one time that you puked up, I held your hair back, it was fucking disgusting. Then I took you home, took care of you and you puked all over my favourite shirt"   
"I remember the other time where you got so drunk that you were using a tree as a stripper pole, singing 'Do You Hear The People Sing' so loudly that the kids who were getting high at the other end were staring at us!" You laughed; the two events had happened on the same day, and your good friends - Mary and Ella - were there with you. It was one of your fondest memories as a teenager.   
"At least I wasn't doing the Macarena wrong!" He teased; you remember how on that day, you had all gotten up and started doing the Macarena whilst it blasted out of Mary's Bluetooth speaker, and you ended up doing it wrong.   
"At least I wasn't singing to 'Barbie Girl'," you laughed, banter came so easily with Rick and you had more fond memories of him than you did with Negan. All melancholy had been freed of its mind-forged manacles.   
"You were singing Hairspray, it's hardly any better" Rick poked his tongue out at you and you took the opportunity to kiss him; enjoying the way his lips felt against yours. Even though at the back of your mind you were pondering and mulling over what the four wise men had told you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo!! Second update this week - I am on a roll XD


	18. One Step At A Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/n and Rick talk about their situation.

Careful. Quiet. _Deadly._ Your prey was mere seconds away, and all you had to do was pounce. All you had to do was run, grab it by the neck and take it down. Your body acted before your mind, and before you could stop yourself, Dean was on the ground, laughing.   
"You're getting pretty good" he smiled, his Welsh accent making the compliment seem more honest. You grinned; you had been training with Dean and Scott since they had advised you on the situation with Rick and Negan, and you couldn't have been more happy. Training allowed you to take your mind off of everything and focus solely on being the quickest, strongest, deadliest what could be called an assassin in the 'new' world.   
"Well, I do have the best teachers" you waved at Scott, who was applauding enthusiastically as he walked over to you and Dean.   
"Shut up" Dean nudged you playfully, causing you and Scott to exchange a look before tackling him to the ground; the three of you laughed and you almost forgot your situation, but as soon as you heard Negan whistling in the background, your mood dropped.   
"Morning gorgeous" Negan grinned as he walked over to you, you smiled at him quickly before tidying yourself up and packing your stuff up so that you could drive back to Alexandria; you spent most of your days training, then returned to Alexandria at night, although you stayed in one of the more secluded houses  - not that you spent a lot of time there, as you kept sneaking out and finding solace and sanctuary amongst the trees in the forest to the back.   
"It's almost dark, Negan. I gotta go, anyway. Dean, Scott, I'll see you tomorrow." you told them, getting onto your motorbike and speeding off into the distance. 

* * *

 

"You're back" Rick smiled, taking your hand gently and helping you off of your motorbike as you parked it just outside your house.   
"Yeah" you answered, smiling at him shyly, you had decided to stay in an empty house so that you could work through your feelings - Rick understood greatly, of course, and had given you your space when you asked for it, or when he thought you needed it- before adding, "I think we need to talk." Rick's heart dropped as he sat on your porch with you, he noticed how you seemed a little off, a little distressed, like an animal that had been in the wild all its life only to be caged right in the middle of it.   
"W-what about?" Rick feared losing you, he had already thought you had left him after you had been shot, but now he feared he was losing you for good.   
"Rick, I don't know how to say this, so bear with me... I love you, I really do, but after a long, very long, process of thinking and looking back and going back and forth through my head, I've realised that I still have feelings for Negan. I know, I know, what he did was deplorable, and I'm an idiot for still feeling anything but resentment for him, but... I still love him. Rick, I understand how you feel about him, and I understand if you want me out of Alexandria. But I still love you" you allowed him to think, to run through your words himself so that he could tell you how he felt, and you saw the tears brimming in his gorgeous cyan eyes.   
"Y/n, I love you too, and if you still have feelings for Negan, then... I get it. I can't change it. I don't want you out of Alexandria, I want you here, with me, if you want to be here with me, of course. If you want to go to the Sanctuary, then go, but promise me you'll stay in contact and that you'll at least stay here until morning. I can't lose you" he told you, his brunet eyebrows furrowing with plight as he looked into your eyes, the tears were making their way down his face and it was only then that you noticed the marks of weakness, the marks of woe.   
"Rick, I'll stay here, but I can't stay with you, I don't want to hurt you if I get back with Negan. Of course, if I do go to the Sanctuary, I will stay in contact with you, Rick, I'll always be here for you. Whether I'm with you or not. I'll always be here. You won't lose me, okay?" you cupped his cheeks and almost cried when he leaned into your touch, you had no idea what to do, what to say, where to go, or who to talk to.   
"Okay" he nodded slowly, you smiled sadly at him and began to open the door to your house when he licked his lips and asked if he could come in. You agreed, and the two of you sat on the sofa, the silence deafening.   
"Does this mean... We're through?" Rick asked, his voice hoarse and cracking, as if he was scared to say the words aloud; in all truth, you feared having to answer that question.   
"I... I don't know" you admitted, looking into his eyes and sighing. He was so beautiful, such a diamond in the rough, that it made you scared to look at him for fear he would break, as if he was made of china.   
"What do we do?" he asked, fearing the answer whereas you feared the question.   
"Rick, I know fuck all at this point. I don't know what I'm supposed to say, to do, where to go, who to talk to, or even if I should be fucking breathing right now" you told him honestly, tears spilling from the anguish that was tearing through your heart, Rick sighed and did what he always had to do: be brave.   
"Y/n, it's okay that you don't know anything. I don't either. What do you say... What do you say we take this one step at a time?" he offered, you nodded slowly and hugged him, not wanting to let go for fear that if you did then he wouldn't be there.   
"Yeah... One step at a time." you agreed. 


	19. Deadly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With her training from Dean and Scott, y/n had become the deadliest living person, but it hasn't been without its consequences.

You had gone out on supply runs for the Alexandrians for over a week now, as they knew you were their best asset, given that you trained with who were arguably the most deadly survivors. You always went out alone, and you always came back alone, with everything that anyone had asked of you. No matter how much Rick tried to convince you, you never let anyone else go with you, not even him, you never told him why but you knew that he knew it was because you needed the time alone. To think. To sort through your head. Not only that, but he knew everyone was afraid of you; you were deadly in your own right, and you could easily take down any opponent, at any time. Your training had given you that ability, mainly from Dean's lessons, not so much Scott's. But nevertheless, you were the most deadly survivor out there, and everyone in every community knew it. When you got back from your 'missions', you would curl up with a book and ignore everyone else, the only person who was allowed to disturb you was anyone from Moriarty's Gang. No-one else. Not Rick, not Negan, no-one. You were, essentially, an attack dog. Used only for others' whims, never your own, and the most deadly thing known to the new world. No matter how many undead you faced, you always came out on top. You were deadly. In every aspect of the word. 

* * *

 

"I am not throwing away my shot!" you growled at Rick, who had followed you one day whilst out on a run, and you were aiming your bow and arrow at a deer that hadn't yet seen you; Rick sighed and looked away, when he did, you took your shot. Right in the deer's head, killing it instantly. You smirked triumphantly and made your way over to what would be dinner for the Alexandrians that night.   
"Y/n, why won't you talk to me?" he asked, you rolled your eyes and glanced at him before hauling the deer onto the back of your motorbike, securing it with some half-decent ropes, you turned back to him and crossed your arms over your chest.   
"Because, Rick, there's nothing to talk about. We're not together anymore, you decided that when you told me last week" you growled, venom dripping from your words; Rick had broken things off as you continued to spend more and more time training, ignoring him and refusing to talk to anyone but Moriarty's Gang; it was his last resort, but he knew it would only end in anguish if he allowed you to deteriorate, and he had hoped that he had snapped you out of it by saying he wanted out. Clearly not.   
"Y/n-"  
"Shut it, Rick, just go home" you barked, Rick's lips parted as if he was about to say something, but you had walked away, leaving him stood by your motorbike. He mumbled a small "I lost you" before shaking his head, getting back into his own car, and driving back to Alexandria. 

* * *

 

You had found yourself in a particularly hairy situation: a group of men were trying to attack you, taking your stuff, and steal your weapons. You were fending them off pretty well, but there were thirty or so of them and only one of you, and no matter how much training you had, you were no match.   
"Oi, motherfuckers!" you were sure you were hallucinating from blood loss when you heard Dean's voice, followed by the sounds of dying men's final words.   
"Dean!?" you called, fighting off the last man and heading toward where you had heard his voice; you were shocked to find him there, covered in blood, a smirk on his face.   
"Alright?" he asked, his eyes studying your blood spattered clothing and looking for anything that John had told him would point to you being injured.   
"Yeah, you?" you asked, brows furrowed, you shook your head before adding, "Why are you here?"   
"Oh, Rick sent me. He was pretty worried about you being all alone. Y'know how he is, overprotective boyfriend and all that" Dean shrugged, peeling off his blood soaked shirt and discarding it, you paid him no mind as you climbed onto your motorbike.   
"Cheers. And he's not my boyfriend" you told him, driving off and leaving your best friend stunned, gaping like a gulper fish.   
"Y/N! WAIT!" he called, easily running up to you and stopping you. You sighed and looked at him, "What?"   
"What do you mean he's not your boyfriend?" the Welshman asked, you rolled your eyes and explained, Dean was shocked and hurt that you hadn't told him, but he understood why you didn't.   
"So, what're you gonna do?" he asked, you shrugged and were about to start your bike again when he asked, "Are you okay?"   
"No. Dean, I'm not okay. Rick broke up with me, my head's a mess, and honestly? The only time I can actually clear my head is when I'm on these supply runs, otherwise thoughts of Rick or Negan just throw me off. I can't have that. I'm the most deadly living person, thanks to you and Scott, and I can't just throw that away" you told him, Dean sighed and scratched the top of his head as he thought, his curly brunet hair getting caught in his fingertips.   
"Is that why you won't talk to anyone? Because you don't wanna throw away what you've trained for? Y/n, listen, none of that shit matters anymore. You can't just let yourself become some emotionless wreck! You gotta rise up above that, you gotta make a decision. Do you wanna be with Rick? Do you wanna be with Negan? Or do you wanna suffer? Because that's all I can see right here, is you suffering. Y/n, you were there for me when I began cutting, and to me, this is your version of cutting, and I gotta return the favour. I refuse to stand by and watch you become the deadliest person, an emotionless monster, just because of your head" he argued, you rolled your eyes and sighed.   
"Dean, I won't talk to anyone because I keep getting flashbacks of Rick or Negan. I can't throw away what I've trained for, not when it can save lives. I'm already an emotionless wreck, Dean, I have been for a week now. I can't make a decision when there isn't one. I deserve to suffer, Dean" you deadpanned, starting your motorbike again and driving off. 

* * *

 

"'ow is she?" John asked, sitting with Dean, Scott, Rick and Dwight. They all sighed.   
"She's got it in her head that she deserves to suffer" Dean admitted, explaining the encounter he had had with you a few hours ago to the rest of the men around him.   
"She won't talk to me" Dwight sighed, he wanted you to be _you_ again, not some killing machine that only showed emotion when you were on your 'missions'.   
"She won't talk to me, either" Scott lamented, the other men nodded and sighed with him.   
"We need to do something, John" Rick pleaded to the cockney doctor, who gave him a woeful look.   
"I'm not sure what do to, Rick. She ain't talkin' to none of us, and she could kill us all thanks to a couple of idiots who thought it'd be a good idea to train 'er and make 'er the deadliest damn person out there" John sent a glare towards Dean and Scott as he said that, he turned back to Rick and continued, "But I do think if we get 'er ta see 'ow much we cares about 'er, then maybe she'll open up, no matter 'ow deadly she is."   
"When?" the others asked in unison, turning to the only hope they had.   
"Tonight. We'll wait at 'er place, and we'll get 'er to talk." John told them. 


	20. Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A shocking revelation comes from y/n.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINAL CHAPTER!! It's been great, so far guys, I'll miss writing this to be honest, but all good things comes to an end.

They waited. Waited for you to show up. To talk to them. But they feared you would not. However, when they heard your motorbike pull up, a small shiver of hope coursed through their bodies.   
"What the fuck are you all doing here?" you asked, narrowing your eyes at Moriarty's Gang and Rick.   
"Y/n, we're here to talk to you" Rick said gently, you scoffed at him and shook your head.   
"I can't fucking believe this" you growled, taking a seat in the chair opposite the sofa they were sat on, and added, "Talk then."   
"Y/n, we know the past few weeks have been hard on you, but that doesn't mean you have to push us away" Dean began, looking to John for reassurance and finding it only when John gripped his hand and squeezed it tightly, the Welshman continued, "We love you, y/n. You're my best friend, Dwight's sister, Scott's friend, John's daughter, and Rick's best friend. We all need you, and none of us can bear to watch you burn yourself out. Please, just tell us why you're doing this."   
"That's exactly why I have to push you away, I don't wanna hurt anyone more than I have already. I love you all too, but I have to do this. It's helping me sort through my head, and I can't risk any of you getting burnt in the process" you told them, all the emotions flooding back and causing tears to dew in your eyes. You still had no idea what to do, where to go or even who you loved anymore.   
"Y/n, we ain't gonna get 'urt, or burnt. You know you need us all more now, than ever. We can 'elp you sort through your brilliantly barricaded mind. Just let us 'elp" John pleaded, you sighed and looked at him through tear-blurred eyes.   
"You can't help me, only I can help myself-"  
"That's complete fucking bullshit and you know it" Scott jumped in, not caring about the risk of you clamming shut at his comment, he continued, "We helped you train. No, we trained you. We're as much to blame as you are. It's our fault you're in this mess. So shut up and listen to what we have to say. Continue, guys."   
"What we're trying to say, y/n, is that you're our mate, our family. We'd do anything for you, and we don't want you to think that the only way to help yourself is to keep going out and risking your life on supply runs. We don't think it's right that you're suffering alone" Dwight said, you felt the tears dig trenches into your face then and you held your head in your hands.   
"Guys, it's not your burden to carry" you told them, to which they all scoffed.   
"A burden? _Seriously_ , y/n? You think it's a burden that we all wanna help? Look, I'm gonna ask you something okay? And I want you to give me an honest answer," Rick paused, his southern drawl created a more tense atmosphere than he had intended, "Do you love me?"   
"No" you answered, throughout the time you had to think, you realised that you didn't love Rick, or Negan, you just loved the _idea_ of them; the feeling, of course, had meant that you thought you did love them, and you fooled yourself into thinking you did.   
"Do you love Negan?" the men asked in unison, you gulped and shook your head.   
"No, I love the idea of both you and Negan, Rick. But I don't actually love either of you, I'm sorry." you sobbed. 

* * *

 

After your shocking revelation, things had changed. Negan carried on as usual, despite the fact that he felt as if there was a hole in his black heart. Rick had slowly built his friendship with you once again, and he slowly moved on, he eventually managed to ask Michonne and the two of them couldn't have been happier. Moriarty's Gang joined up once more, you taking your position as Moriarty once again, which made you glad in an odd way; the Gang was as closely knit as it had ever been, and no-one was surprised when you joined the Saviours' ranks and climbed up until you were almost on-par with your now best friend Negan. Things were well, or as well as they could have been. 

* * *

 

And that was how life was. Everyone was happy, or as happy as they could have been, and everyone was civil... Except Negan and Rick. But some things never change. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never expected it to end like this, but I'm glad it did. "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."


End file.
